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Need Advice!!!!


Original Post
Jacob Bridges · · Tupelo, MS · Joined Oct 2017 · Points: 0

Hey everybody! I know I’m not a woman but I need advice! I am a big time climber and love being outside but my significant other isn’t very outdoorsy. What advice do you have to help her understand our need to climb? She’s supportive but she just doesn’t understand. I am working towards my AMGA guide certification but she doesn’t understand why we love doing things she she’s as dangerous. Please help!

Menna Mourad · · Portland, OR · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 0

Does she actually enjoy going climbing or being outside? I wouldn't try to force the issue if its something that she isn't comfortable with.

Jacob Bridges · · Tupelo, MS · Joined Oct 2017 · Points: 0

She doesn’t climb but she loves the outdoors! We camp regularly and are in the process of building our own tiny home. She is just worried about climbing!

FrankPS · · Atascadero, CA · Joined Nov 2009 · Points: 275

Has she watched you climb before? People that don't climb and have never watched it default to "you'll die" or "what if the rope breaks." Once people watch it, in person, they realize it's not certain death (unless she watches you on a sketchy climb).

It might help if she watched you take a couple of falls on bolts.

Edit: I wouldn't pressure her to climb, though.

Menna Mourad · · Portland, OR · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 0

What experience does she have with climbing? Have you taken her to a climbing gym? If not, have her take an intro to climbing class and get her comfortable being on and around ropes. If she enjoys it, she'll be stoked and be more willing to go outside and enjoy. Sometimes being in the gym can feel safer and more conducive to learning if someone is new to the sport/lifestyle.

Ashort · · Las Vegas, NV · Joined Apr 2014 · Points: 55
Jacob Bridges wrote: I am a big time climber and love being outside but my significant other isn’t very outdoorsy. 

She doesn’t climb but she loves the outdoors! 

Wait, so which is it?  

What is your ultimate goal here? Just for her to understand climbing or for her to want to do it?


phylp · · Upland · Joined May 2015 · Points: 622

Jacob, the way I understand your question, your wife loves you so much that she has a hard time knowing that you are doing things that might result in your death.  I felt the same way when my husband used to ride sport motorcycles!  (Eventually he did decide it was too dangerous and sold his bike.)

But many sports are more dangerous than climbing, and many things not sports, many jobs, are dangerous too.  The years during which my brother was a Marine fighter pilot, all of us had that awareness of risk as a subtext.  Many random things happen that people die of every day - car accidents, bee stings, lightning strikes, etc.  She probably needs more real facts about the risk level of the type of climbing you do.  Unless you're soloing routinely at your limit, or going off to climb K2 this year, your risk may be in reality much lower than her current perception.

Part of really loving someone is loving them enough to let them do what they need to do to be happy.  It would help you if she was to come to that place.  Another part of really loving somebody is being willing to change something about yourself that is hard on another person.  It will help her if you were to come to that place.  You just need to keep communicating about this.

wonderwoman · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2006 · Points: 88

You might get your best advice from climbers who date non-climbers, rather than the women's climbing forum.  I mean, we may be women, like your wife, but we are climbers so we don't pressure our romantic partners not to climb.

I am sure that there are plenty of climbers who might be able to relate or give advice on how they finally made that break through.

I'd say have her watch Free Solo, but that may make things worse.  You could say, 'at least I'm not Alex Honnold'!  lol

good luck!

wonderwoman · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2006 · Points: 88
Eric D · · Gnarnia · Joined Nov 2006 · Points: 230

Why does she need to understand it?

Bill Kirby · · San Francisco CA · Joined Jul 2012 · Points: 480
Jacob Bridges wrote: Hey everybody! I know I’m not a woman but I need advice! I am a big time climber and love being outside but my significant other isn’t very outdoorsy. What advice do you have to help her understand our need to climb? She’s supportive but she just doesn’t understand. I am working towards my AMGA guide certification but she doesn’t understand why we love doing things she she’s as dangerous. Please help!

 I just realized what this says about me if I clicked on need advice..

 OK so my wife climbs but not much. We do lots of vacations where I climb for half day maybe six hours then hangout with her. I do stuff she likes XC ski or hike, even shop. OK I like to shop. I’ll take a day and go do something crazy easy so my wife gets out on rock or ice. A fellow MPer ran into me at a very easy route on Mt Willard one day. He asked was it worth leading? I replied any day out with the wife climbing is worth it. Think on that.
Lena chita · · OH · Joined Mar 2011 · Points: 1,030

I don’t know what’s there to understand... If she is passionate about something, bring that up. Just like she loves X, it makes her feel happy, she met some great friends while going X, she misses X when she can’t do it for a time... that is how you love climbing.

If she is not passionate about anything... I don’t know. Ask more questions. Would she question it if you loved fly fishing? Golfing? Is it climbing specifically that bothers her, or just the fact that you spend a lot of time away from her while pursuing your passion for climbing? Is she worried about safety?  

And then address specific issues she has, once you understand what bothers her the most.

IMO this is usually about one of the following, sometimes combinations:

-safety-people you meet when you go away, and a chance that ypu would leave her for someone who shares your passion -not enough time spend together, you skipping family gatherings, vacation time, etc. 

But in the end it is not not so much about her understanding why you love/want to climb, as it is about figuring out a workable balance that allows you to spend time with her doing something you both enjoy, and allows you time to do what you want to do. 

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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