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Significant Other climbing with other climbing partners


Tradiban · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 11,435

Im positive a 3some will solve this.

With many belay devices you can belay 2 people at the same time.

Paul Hutton · · Idaho · Joined Mar 2012 · Points: 740
mediocre wrote:

No slap on the hand, more like a jab to the shoulder. 

And I'm older than you so its dude to you.

You don't manifest your age. Ouch. My bad sir. 

Nate Tastic · · Sutter Creek · Joined Feb 2016 · Points: 10
Tradiban wrote: Im positive a 3some will solve this.

With many belay devices you can belay 2 people at the same time.

You wish, Silent Partner Guy!

Mae Rae · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2011 · Points: 15
Tradiban wrote: Im positive a 3some will solve this.

With many belay devices you can belay 2 people at the same time.

Twin ropes and guide mode saved my marriage.

s.price · · the deck of Rover or Pagosa… · Joined Dec 2010 · Points: 1,346

I didn't read all 4 pages but will say this. That healthy marriage you refer to was not healthy. When I met my wife she did not climb. Turned out to be an excellent partner who never worried about me climbing with another woman. I climbed with an ex girlfriend for years.
No problem. Looking at their butt? Seriously. You'll work it out with trust. There is no other way in a healthy marriage.

Chuck Parks · · Atlanta, GA · Joined Jan 2008 · Points: 2,151
Mae Rae wrote: It's good that we are having this discussion where the OP's climber fiance has no chance of seeing it.

I'm sure he's way too busy banging that young hottie to be reading all this talk on Mountain Project.

Tradiban · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 11,435
Chuck Parks wrote:

I'm sure he's way too busy banging that young hottie to be reading all this talk on Mountain Project.

"Banging". Such an uncivilized description. 


Channing Lai · · Hong Kong · Joined Sep 2015 · Points: 45

I am a female, married, husband climbs but is not my only climbing partner, and we spent 1.5 years living apart and survived. So here is my 2 cents.

The nature of climbing is that most climbers are guys. I climb with my husband a lot, but I am more 'into' climbing than him across different disciplines so it ends up I often climb without him. I have  also gone on a few climbing trips without him with other climbing guys or other climbing girls.(I do invite him of course if he wants to join). Sometimes I go on Mountain project or other sites and climb with guys I have never met because I am looking for a partner. Really, it just boils down to trust. Do you trust your boyfriend/ husband to spend a full day or week with the opposite sex.

Personally, as an avid climber, when I go on trips with guys , I really just want to climb and they just really want to climb. And once we have climbed together for awhile, we become friends and share funny photos, talk on messenger, etc.

Of course shit can happen with anyone of the opposite sex. But if you think about it, cheating can happen in workplaces, in the gym, on a commute, with mutual friends.  So if your relationship with your boyfriend is strong, then there is nothing to worry about him climbing with another girl.

SeƱor Arroz · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2016 · Points: 10
Tradiban wrote: Im positive a 3some will solve this.

With many belay devices you can belay 2 people at the same time.

This is solid advice except for the guide mode belay point. Better for one person to be 2nd and then let them "pull up" the 3rd.

Petsfed · · Laramie, WY · Joined Mar 2002 · Points: 905
s.price wrote: I didn't read all 4 pages but will say this. That healthy marriage you refer to was not healthy. When I met my wife she did not climb. Turned out to be an excellent partner who never worried about me climbing with another woman. I climbed with an ex girlfriend for years.
No problem. Looking at their butt? Seriously. You'll work it out with trust. There is no other way in a healthy marriage.

Came here to say this.

I was in a relationship where distrust and self-involvement were the orders of the day, and it rapidly spread from “no climbing with women” to “no climbing without me” to “no climbing”. It sucked, and it came down to not cultivating trust early in the relationship, so there was no trust to to rely on later in the relationship. I learned a lot about myself though, so it wasn’t a total loss.
That marriage mentioned in the OP probably looked healthy, maybe was Instagram healthy, but it was rotten to the core. Without knowing the folks involved, it’s impossible to say what exactly made it unhealthy, but *just* climbing with a person of opposite sex is *never* enough to kill a truly healthy relationship.
MKGreen · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Mar 2016 · Points: 15

In my earlier days of climbing most if not all of my partners were men and my husband (then boyfriend or fiancee) doesn't climb and has zero interest in climbing.  AFAIK he was never jealous or concerned (well not TOO concerned) and he met some of my partners during carpool pickups or get togethers.  Sometimes he'd make little comments like "I bet so-and-so is interested in you" but I explained most climbers don't want to ruin a good partnership by hitting on a woman they know there's no chance of getting anyway.  If he had forbidden me from climbing with men I doubt our relationship would have lasted but we have a lot of trust and the first few years of our relationship was long distance.  Trust is the KEY.  

One of my favorite partners over the years was old enough to be my father and he was a grandfather. About two years into our partnership we had a very long day out during the summer solcitice and he didn't get home until 11:00.  Apparently he got into a big fight with his wife that night and during our next gym session he had to break-up with me as his wife didn't want him climbing with women.  I'm not sure if she knew I was also signficantly younger - if she did I'm sure that would made the situation worse.  We still snuck out a few times after that, but I felt guilty and didn't want him getting into trouble. Eventually our partnership fizzled out - partially due to him taking a job with heavy travel and one of his former male partners was emerging back into climbing after a long parenthood hiatus.  When I put myself in his wife's shoes I understood where she was coming from - I'm not sure how comfortable I would be if my late 50's / early 60's husband were spending a lot of time (gym climbing, carpooling, outdoor climbing) with a much younger woman, even if she were married.  

These days I have a healthy mix of male and female parterns.  Most of my male partners have significant others and I've often climbed with their SOs as well.  

Colonel Mustard · · Sacramento, CA · Joined Sep 2005 · Points: 1,186

If you’re not going to be okay with it, it’s not really going to work, is it?

It can be dismissed all day as your insecurity, but it’s a lot to say, yeah, you go out alone to isolated, beautiful places with this fit person you share an intimate connection of interest with, maybe camping overnight together, and, yeah, I’m totally the crazy one.

Em Cos · · Boulder, CO · Joined Apr 2010 · Points: 5
Colonel Mustard wrote: If you’re not going to be okay with it, it’s not really going to work, is it?

It can be dismissed all day as your insecurity, but it’s a lot to say, yeah, you go out alone to isolated, beautiful places with this fit person you share an intimate connection of interest with, maybe camping overnight together, and, yeah, I’m totally the crazy one.

I didn't see anyone call her crazy (though maybe I missed a post where someone did), the overriding theme was "you should talk with him and work this out together". 

don'tchuffonme · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2014 · Points: 25

It's pretty simple.  If your marriage/relationship/whatever is strong and rewarding, then odds are it'll survive a hot climbing partner.  If it's not, and there are already issues, then it likely will not.  As a matter of fact, the reason your S.O. is drawn to the other person, the climbing partner, could be because things aren't great with you- this is just generally speaking and not referring to anyone in particular.

Climbing is a visceral thing for lots of people.  It delves into a part of them that not many people understand, so when they meet someone that does understand and can relate, and there's a physical attraction on top of that, then that's a recipe for mutual attraction and so on and so forth.

Also, I have the feeling that men are more likely to fuck up than women.  That's based on my experiences.  This ain't rocket science.  It's an instant gratification, visually stimulated world and society we live in.  People are more or less going to act in accordance with that.  

To the OP- if she's super hot and they spend lots of time together, and you guys don't, he's probably gonna end up nailing her.  Most people are probably thinking that, but don't want to say it.  I don't have that problem.  Even if your relationship is "strong"- whatever that means, there aren't many men that will repeatedly resist urges- especially young men, especially in a society where fidelity and morality aren't exactly cornerstones of existence.

Stephen C · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Feb 2016 · Points: 0

You've probably already heard enough male opinions on this, but I'll give mine. You say this younger woman is his main climbing partner (this being a key point) and they spend a lot of time together. This is probably not particularly PC, but I think it's a bit odd for a man to have his main climbing partner be a woman assuming it's not his significant other.  One or both will probably end up having feelings for the other. This wouldn't fly for me and I can't think of a girlfriend I have had that would be ok with it. For those that think it's ok and perfectly normal you must be far more enlightened than me.  I've been through the gym dating pool. I know how it works.

mediocre · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2013 · Points: 0
This post violated Guideline #1 and has been removed.
Colonel Mustard · · Sacramento, CA · Joined Sep 2005 · Points: 1,186
Em Cos wrote:

I didn't see anyone call her crazy (though maybe I missed a post where someone did), the overriding theme was "you should talk with him and work this out together". 

I said “can” call her crazy, I’m not reading others’ responses that closely to make such characterizations. I was thinking more what her partner might say or imply. Maybe better than “crazy” is to say minimize or invalidate what she’s feeling. For instance, knowing (if he does) this bothers her, why doesn’t he make some alterations (if even short term) to his behavior? Maybe it is her problem, but, yeah, they’re gonna have to work (or not) it out between themselves. What’s more valuable?

Ocalslay Onlyyay · · Not That Into Climbing · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 1,170
This post violated Guideline #1 and has been removed.
Chalk in the Wind · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Aug 2014 · Points: 3
Abs Zen wrote:My fiance tells me everyday about the stories his climbing partner shares like her 4 newborn kittens, etc or who her room mate is dating, etc.
He probably tells you these things because he wants you to (1) know that she has a life apart from climbing with him and (2) he knows that if he doesn't talk about her, it might look as if he is trying to hide something.


I completely trust my fiance but being in a long distance relationship
This, in my opinion, is the greater danger, not merely that he climbs with a woman. While the cat's away and all that.

As I posted previously, you need to have this talk. And if the talk goes well, then you need to speed up that relocation.
amarius · · Nowhere, OK · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 20

The only thing that I can contribute to this thread - if anyone feels that comments are not appropriate they should flag them - this forum is supposed to be heavier moderated than usual.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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