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Children and The Art of Suffering


Original Post
Tradiban · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 11,455

So, you want your kids to be totally badass. You know, Alpine All Stars. How do you toughen them up?

Chris W · · Somerville, MA · Joined May 2015 · Points: 168

Build their bedrooms into a walk in freezer and reduce oxygen levels I'm there to mock altitude a little. Remove bed and only give them a sleeping pad and a bag that's not quite warm enough. Fill the room with a stairmaster, rock climbing wall, and figure out some reward system. Watch your unethically raised alpine all star rise to the top

Dustin B · · Steamboat · Joined Jan 2006 · Points: 1,300

Check out that new movie I Tonya, it has some great ideas on parenting.

Tony B · · Around Boulder, CO · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 23,285
Tradiban wrote: So, you want your kids to be totally badass. You know, Alpine All Stars. How do you toughen them up?

I get out the Ipad, sit them down, go to the following web adress, and force them to read:

Harder than a forced Bivy!

Hamish Malin · · Fredericksburg, VA · Joined May 2017 · Points: 15
Tony B wrote:

I get out the Ipad, sit them down, go to the following web adress, and force them to read:

Harder than a forced Bivy!

Savage.  I think you just discovered the new Rick Roll.

Mark Dalen · · Albuquerque, NM · Joined Dec 2011 · Points: 930

Tour a child detention facility on the southern border - there you'll find some kids getting toughened up bigly ...

Ted Pinson · · Chicago, IL · Joined Jul 2014 · Points: 195

Well, I’ve heard the best way to teach them to swim is to throw them into the deep end, so...maybe try tossing one off a cliff?

Lena chita · · OH · Joined Mar 2011 · Points: 746

Send them to Russia to be raised by bears.

Stiles · · the Mountains · Joined May 2003 · Points: 840

Spare the rod and spoil the child

Albi Eds · · Brooklyn, NY · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 26

This thread gives me hope.

Nolan Huther · · Potsdam, NY · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 505
Tony B wrote:

I get out the Ipad, sit them down, go to the following web adress, and force them to read:

Harder than a forced Bivy!

That was actually painful

mediocre · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2013 · Points: 0

Get them an instagram account and just when they feel good about their first top rope you fat shame them. over...and over...and over.....

fallingmonkey · · The West · Joined Oct 2012 · Points: 35

Take them up mountains and throw them in gymnastics so they will have good air sense to do badass shit. I wish my parents gave me that

Jason Kim · · Encinitas, CA · Joined Apr 2012 · Points: 255

My kids are 3 and 6, and I've given this a lot of thought recently.  If I'm being honest, they are a bit soft.

My plan is to immigrate to Mexico, denounce U.S. citizenship, and then attempt to enter this country again.  Once they become adults, their alpine goals will seem trivial in comparison.

mediocre · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2013 · Points: 0
Jason Kim wrote: My kids are 3 and 6, and I've given this a lot of thought recently.  If I'm being honest, they are a bit soft.

My plan is to immigrate to Mexico, denounce U.S. citizenship, and then attempt to enter this country again.  Once they become adults, their alpine goals will seem trivial by comparison.

Don’t forget to make them look Hispanic. If these kids are blonde hair and blue eyed this exercise will be void. 

David Coley · · UK · Joined Oct 2013 · Points: 70

Have lots and lots and lots of kids. 7 minimum.
Many of the hard alpine types I have known are dead.
Therefore this is a numbers game.
You need to have enough so you might care a tiny little bit less, because you have many still alive.
In addition, in my observation, kids in big families grow up tough.
Finally buy a farm. Farm kids are often tough.

Floyd Eggers · · Kennewick, WA · Joined Mar 2018 · Points: 341

You should push them to achieve goals only you feel are accomplishments. Like Todd Marinovich's dad.
Potty train with a plastic bag, and make them carry it around all day.
Get them excited for things and when it comes time to do them say weather shifted cant go now.
Don't teach them to walk, teach them to kick step.
Just randomly hit them in the head or spin them excessively for altitude sickness training.
When the sun comes up throw blocks of ice and rock at their face to train their reflexes. 

Tony B · · Around Boulder, CO · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 23,285
Upstate Climber wrote:

That was actually painful

So what's next?

Nolan Huther · · Potsdam, NY · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 505
Tony B wrote:

So what's next?

Jokes on you, I've watched that movie twice already

Ocalslay Onlyyay · · Not That Into Climbing · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 1,175
Tradiban wrote: So, you want your kids to be totally badass. You know, Alpine All Stars. How do you toughen them up?

Make her suffer through the non-truffle fries braj!1!11

Tony B · · Around Boulder, CO · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 23,285
Upstate Climber wrote:

Jokes on you, I've watched that movie twice already

Not really a joke on me.  Yes, I am baiting a troll... and I've seen the movie.  Saw it in Norway the first time, in fact.
Great film in any context.  It was like Blair Witch project could have been if they'd done a better job of it.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

General Climbing
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