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a bad climbing partner experience


Lena chita · · Cleveland, OH · Joined Mar 2011 · Points: 250

Things on Internet never get deleted...

FY, given the story, I wouldn't want to climb with this person either. I am surprised you stuck with it for 3 outings, but I have been in a beggars-cant-be-choosers climbing situations, too, so I understand.

You may have been a bit brusque and maybe came across as bossy/patronizing/elitist, maybe you could have been kinder to her, but whatever. She is not the right partner for you, and you are not her boyfriend, friend, or therapist.

Time to move on. Your biggest mistake was posting on MP. :)

ChossKing · · Boulder, CO · Joined Apr 2014 · Points: 0

Was that the first time the MP 10,000 character limit was hit?

fuck you · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Feb 2017 · Points: 0

fuck you MP for deleting my post....fucking misogynist assholes

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277
fuck you wrote:

fuck you MP for deleting my post....fucking misogynist assholes

Where did a post get deleted? I thought when admins removed a post it got replaced with "This post has been removed for violating rule #1", or some such. (What did you say?)

FrankPS · · Atascadero, CA · Joined Nov 2009 · Points: 275
fuck you wrote:

fuck you MP for deleting my post....fucking misogynist assholes

That's not a nice username. Are you an angry person? (rhetorical question)

Tradiban · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 11,230

I finally read the (deleted) rant. Classic case of crazy. I would like to see the "long email" mentioned.

Fredrik Ehne · · Stockholm, Sweden · Joined Mar 2017 · Points: 0
Andrew Krajnik wrote:

Where did a post get deleted? I thought when admins removed a post it got replaced with "This post has been removed for violating rule #1", or some such. (What did you say?)

Someone reposted the original post 4 or 5 hours ago and now it's totally gone. It was like 3 posts above yours.

Marcus · · Aspen, CO · Joined Jul 2017 · Points: 395
fuck you wrote:

fuck you MP for deleting my post....fucking misogynist assholes

New favorite post ever.

Addem Bursh · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 855

Did someone save the repost?  I'd love to see it and have a good laugh.  


Old lady H · · Boise, Idaho · Joined Aug 2015 · Points: 290
fuck you wrote:

fuck you MP for deleting my post....fucking misogynist assholes

So, the person who recopied the OP's first post did just that, repost what the guy wrote and all of us responded to.

MP can do what they want, but I'm with this renamed posters side on this one. Trying to restore a conversation should not be a crime.

Sorry MP did this. I hope you will continue to contribute, as you have in the past. I'd hate to lose your voice.

Best, OLH

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277
Old lady H wrote:

So, the person who recopied the OP's first post did just that, repost what the guy wrote and all of us responded to.

MP can do what they want, but I'm with this renamed posters side on this one. Trying to restore a conversation should not be a crime.

Sorry MP did this. I hope you will continue to contribute, as you have in the past. I'd hate to lose your voice.

Best, OLH

No, I saw the copy of the original post. I also saw that "fuck you" is actually faye marshall... she apparently posted something, got deleted, and then renamed her profile and changed her pic in protest. (When she originally posted the "fucking misogynist assholes" post, it was under her "faye marshall" username. By the time I typed my response to ask about her deleted post, she'd changed her username. She then changed her avatar shortly after.)

IcePick · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jun 2017 · Points: 100

We love you Faye Marshall

Old lady H · · Boise, Idaho · Joined Aug 2015 · Points: 290
Andrew Krajnik wrote:

No, I saw the copy of the original post. I also saw that "fuck you" is actually faye marshall... she apparently posted something, got deleted, and then renamed her profile and changed her pic in protest. (When she originally posted the "fucking misogynist assholes" post, it was under her "faye marshall" username. By the time I typed my response to ask about her deleted post, she'd changed her username. She then changed her avatar shortly after.)

I worked out that it was Faye, and I saw the repost too. 

So it wasn't her who put up the repost? That was my assumption. I didn't see what she had deleted if it wasn't that.

I didn't see anything that warranted yanking that, though, but I did actually work today, lol. My assumption (maybe incorrect) was that was all she did, had that pulled, and then did the protest name and avatar change.

I personally prefer the conversations stay reasonably intact, but maybe that's me.

Best, OLH

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277

No, someone else put up the repost. It was a name I didn't immediately recognize, not faye. I figured she posted a strongly worded comment. If something gotndeleted by an admin, it typically notes it as such, which is why i expressed confusion and asked her what she said...

Nicholas Gillman · · Las Vegas · Joined Jan 2015 · Points: 331

missed it .... twice apparently ... curses!

Tradiban · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 11,230

Oh! The drama! The mystery! The humanity!

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277
Tradiban wrote:

Oh! The drama! The mystery! The humanity!

I'm just curious what exactly transpired. Faye obviously feels pretty scandalized, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of an admin deleting her post without a trace. Did her post ever show up? Did it get lost in the "tubes of internet"? I've had posts that errored out when I clicked "post", and never went up. Did this happen here, and she thought she was censored? Or did she say something sufficiently inflammatory that they deleted it without even citing rule #1? (How inflammatory would that even have to be?)

Greg D · · Here · Joined Apr 2006 · Points: 871

 I'm baffled that this thread turned into such a big deal.  It really wasn't.  

 To sum it up, the OP puts out a question to the community looking for validation that he is awesome and confirmation that his partner of three days is a whack job. He didn't get the feedback he hoped for. So he deleted his original post. Now MP seems to be deleting other random posts without a trace.  

They are both lame.  

Mark E Dixon · · Sprezzatura, Someday · Joined Nov 2007 · Points: 549

I encouraged the OP to delete his first post and believe he did the right thing if he was responsible for it's disappearance.

It had enough detail that the woman involved could be identified. She did not sound like someone who needs that kind of attention in her life.

If he were to replace it with the identifying details obscured it would make the subsequent responses more understandable.

I don't know what happened with Faye. 

I'm ok with MP deleting posts sometimes.

Greg D · · Here · Joined Apr 2006 · Points: 871

Let me tell you what happened to me    the other day and maybe you guys can tell me what you think.

I recently relocated back to Disneyland. Most of my past "random" partners I have just met on Mars or Saturn.  I've never had a really bad experience before, except for the occasional blah blah blah.  We first met at an indoor venue to do some leading to get acquainted. (She was from Venus with a charming Moon tan).  We have a bigger level gap than she had first let on, but fine, doesn't matter. She always short-ropes me on every clip, but fine, she'll learn. She seems very nervous/shaky at every clip and would not take a fall - I kindly suggested a small fall just after clipping to get relaxed, to which she replied something like: "I am not afraid of falling and I am definitely not a nervous climber! It's fine."

Beggars can't be choosers (except in life and death partnerships.  But I must climb).

First Day Out: Not so bad, she still short-ropes (because she keeps a close belay and I clip really fast) but it's ok, I didn't try anything very hard. She couldn't finish 5.10s, no problem, I cleaned them for her, no fuss. She was still looking very shaky clipping, but I am a pretty experienced belayer so I could judge a situation well.  And sometimes she got her leg behind the rope, or tried to grab the carabiner when she was falling off (after having clipped that quickdraw), so I reminded her and asked her to please not do that. I also had to remind her that if she wanted to take, she should tell me instead of just grabbing onto the quickdraw and not say a word. And that she should tell me when she's going again from hanging on the rope, because I was not always looking up at her when she was resting on the rope - and a fair warning that she was about to move would be appreciated. Otherwise, fine, she gave me OK catches and lowered me down safely, no drama. 

Next Time Out: Similar like first time. I reminded her of all the things again. She screamed loudly while falling/body-sliming off the mantle finish on the 5.9 dihedral, scraped up her arm and subtly hinted that I was at fault... More 5.10s she couldn't finish. I suggested maybe she should climb a few more 5.9s first to get her lead confidence up. She again asserted that leading was not a problem, and she was not afraid of leading/falling. She said my tone of voice needed adjusting, and I was killing her confidence with it. I told her, OK sorry, I don't mean to be bossy or sounding superior or anything, but please do keep to the safety practices I had pointed out. In my mind, I was thinking...I need to find another partner ASAP. (But where the hell do I find someone who's got Friday's off all the time...)

Last Time Out: We climbed as a party of three (me, her - call her M, and another girl J we met in car park that morning). This was the day when I had too many WTF moments and got annoyed enough to say something. 

I climbed first, the 5.10 arete.  J then climbed it and asked M if she wanted to lead/toprope it. She said she'd rather warm up on something easier - very fair, so we cleaned the route. She led the 5.8 to the right, at the crux she clipped, grabbed the quickdraw and said: "can you take? I need to chalk up." Ok great, she communicated - improvement! She got to the anchor, cleaned the route and came down - "well that was therapeutic!" (Her favorite expression for any route she deemed Easy.") Next J & I climbed something, then J and I both suggested a 5.9 slab more to the right for her, which she dismissed as being too "therapeutic looking." She wanted to lead this 5.10 arete. I belayed - she clipped the quickdraw before the crux section, grabbed the draw/rested on the rope, then tried the crux, but didn't want to commit, so she would try to down climb a step and grab the quickdraw at her thigh height. It repeated several times - she couldn't finish the route and asked to be lowered down and said she'd try it again after a rest. 

I climbed something - then J thought maybe we could move to another area (she had just redpointed her project at this sector) so she suggested that M try her route again first to clean it and then we could move. At this point M said "I don't feel like climbing it anymore. I think I've figured out the crux. It's pretty easy but I just don't feel like it. J maybe you can climb it again to clean it?" J was nice about it and said, sure no problem. My first WTFmoment that day. 

 We started late so we didn't have too much time left - I think J climbed one route and then I asked M if she wanted to climb something. She said she preferred to rest a bit, eat (out of my lunch pack because she didn't pack any food, but she is a Celiac and I had put bread next to tomatoes, so she had quite a bit of a pointed whine about that. Minor annoyance... But I let her have half my avocado and a pack of hummus. ) OK anyway I climbed another pitch, and J is tired at this point and we were both happy to pack and go. M then wanted to climb the 5.10 in the corner (purple microdot). I belay. She really struggled to overcome the first overhanging bit, but she made it after a few hangs. At this point J told me, she didn't feel comfortable watching her climb (it made her nervous) so she would wait for us at the car (we planned to make dinner together). M climbed one bolt higher, she was really trying hard and I was encouraging (it was getting darker), she fell from the mantle finish and screamed VERY VERY loudly. She tried to climb from where the fall arrested, but was struggling (it's the lower hard section she had struggled on earlier). I suggested that she could pull up on the rope to the high point so save a bit of time, to which she replied "FINE!" She didn't find the courage to really try the mantle again, so i said "Hey listen, you gotta come down. If I need to clean this route, I want to do it with a bit of daylight. I haven't got a head torch." She resisted, wanted to leave a carabiner behind (to "teach herself a lesson"), but I insisted on cleaning the route for her (she has very nice and new Petzl quickdraws so I felt bad). So she came down and I cleaned the route, noticing that the bolt she was gonna lower off from is pull out from the rock by an inch (the bolt was facing down to the ground, as the bit of rock horizontal) - WTF - At the time I thought I was relieved to be cleaning this route rather than potentially holding her broken neck on the ground. (By the way, this route needs rebolting...)

When I came down to the ground, I was quite annoyed. There was a couple packing up behind us, so I probably shouldn't have criticized her in front of them, but I couldn't hold back any longer. So I told her that I was uncomfortable belaying her (rope behind leg, shaky clips, questionable decisions when she's scared like grabbing the carabiner), and it wasn't nice to have me clean routes for her several times in one day, and that she was not observant enough to keep herself safe (unsafe bolt to lower from), and she was not realistic in gauging her abilities, and she was letting her pride in the way of us having a safe and fun day at the crag. She still insisted that she felt safe and not nervous while climbing (WTF), and I was overreacting, and that she didn't want to talk about the rest of it just now. We packed and left. 

What do you guys think?

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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