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Aleks' App


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Joe M. · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2008 · Points: 9,580

Anyone else get the feeling that Aleks Zebastian has an iPhone app that converts normal speak into Aleks speak???  There's no way he (or she) can type all this without busting a gut laughing....

"climbing friend,

Ho ho! you would like to be getting 'swole and increasing "Strength of arms" yes? You must follow 4-plan relentlessly, as well as cutting your feet as often as possibly and conducting the angry campusing far before you are ready, max strength 4 weeks quadrupling, as well as deadly crushing single max hang of hangboard type warrior mountain gorilla crushing smaller gorilla's head with open 5 point palm squeezing exploding head technique, all your enemies slain before you, all your flash are belong to me.

It also may help to eat diet full of high quality cheesesteak and greasy, greasy bloody drizzling fishhead out of bucket, max power crushing, max flash. Also your trainer she may slap you with frozen fish in the face each time you complete one pullup, for help you become more bold and toughened.

It also may help for refrainment from all sexual activity as you build your frustration and nerd levels ever higher until you may properly utilize teh hangboard with teh spreadsheetz!

Finally you will let go your clinging ego desire strong arms crushing and image of climber you wish to be, fully immerse yourself each moment training pumping flashing, knowing each moment it never is coming again and each day may be your last.

also, do not forget, once you can climb at elast the 5.12 or 5.13, to claim to the others that you don't care about grades, even aas they hear you screaming with delight once you send next route harder, or shrieking in anguish as you fall off of it your project, and they observe your eating disorders and unhealthy obsession with the training and the pulling rock."

Fritz N. · · Durango, CO · Joined Mar 2012 · Points: 115

Aleks hails from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs flows. Hammer of the gods ...

PatMas · · Tulsa, OK · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 0

Is anyone else disappointed that this wasn't an announcement for an Aleks Z official app release...

Will S · · Joshua Tree · Joined Nov 2006 · Points: 1,053

Every generation needs a Burt Bronson.

Nolan Huther · · Clarkson University · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 602

I hear Aleks, in the same fashion as Bob Dylan would write song lyrics, types out his MP comments on a typewriter first

sherb · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2012 · Points: 60

I bet whoever is posing as Aleks can't stop talking like that IRL. Some people I know started speaking in certain ways- retarded, accents.... then couldn't stop.

R. Moran · · Moab , UT · Joined Mar 2009 · Points: 140

I think he embodies everything wrong with this great country. Kick out the immigrants! MAGA

Jason Todd · · Cody, WY · Joined Apr 2012 · Points: 983
Will S wrote:

Every generation needs a Burt Bronson.

Nah, he is far too nice and helpful to be considered in the same league as BURT BRONSON.  

I think Aleks genuinely likes people, BURT, not so much.

Both are entertaining characters, but very different genres.

wisam · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 60

Could just be using Siri for speech to text while intentionally not fixing Siri's errors :) 

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277

When I read the posts of Wang-Lord Aleks, I'm always reminded of Zangief as portrayed in Wreck-it Ralph. (I know the accent is wrong, but the neck-meat, the forearms, and general tone ring true to me.)


Will S · · Joshua Tree · Joined Nov 2006 · Points: 1,053

Aleks helps out by getting rid of the cheater block. Start on ground, do not be stacking the seven pads to make the flashing easier.

Andrew Krajnik · · Plainfield, IL · Joined Jul 2016 · Points: 277
Will S wrote:

Aleks helps out by getting rid of the cheater block. Start on ground, do not be stacking the seven pads to make the flashing easier.

Great find!

Here's an image of Aleks belaying his second, using a hemp rope, and no belay device. When asked to comment on this unconventional technique, he replied, "It is unwise for you to be trying the slap to the wang of the Wang Lord! Are you not knowing who I am on tubes of internet? You must be relying on the massive forearms and bulging neckmeat to execute the bold flash. Do not be concerning yourself with latest belay device or useless thong PAS, no, you must trust your ownself and inner strength. Myah!"

Fritz N. · · Durango, CO · Joined Mar 2012 · Points: 115

I hear all kinds of things.
Supposedly he was born in a mental institution, and he sleeps only one hour a night.
He is a great man.
Others say he gets facial reconstruction surgery every three months. 

In death, a member of Project Mayhem has a name. His name is Aleks Zebastian.

Nivel Egres · · New York, NY · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 130

I hear Alex and Chuck Norris are brothers separated at birth...

Joe M. · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2008 · Points: 9,580

Its Aleks

Will S · · Joshua Tree · Joined Nov 2006 · Points: 1,053

Aleks on summit of Mt. Barill after making bold flash of Cobra Pillar in winter, forearms refreshed at crux!

Buff Johnson · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2005 · Points: 1,145
R. Moran wrote:

I think he embodies everything wrong with this great country. Kick out the immigrants! MAGA

god bless 'merica

the only thing stronger than aleks,  a PAS, climbing friend...

or a clove hitch, for those with some common sense

Skye Swoboda-Colberg · · Laramie, Wyoming · Joined Oct 2013 · Points: 115

His vernacular definitely grows on you, the dude probably eats trolls for breakfast.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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