Climbing Story

This is a story about Jack and Diane. Two American climbers living out of a van.

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Join me in telling the rest of the story.

Rules:

- Read the story.

- Add two sentences (hit refresh on your browser first).

- Use standard improv "yes and" thinking. Anything and everything (within good taste) can happen. Introduce characters. Rid us of characters. Travel. Take us to your favorite locations and climbs. Use current events, history, fiction, etc. for inspiration. Break down. Break up. Break gear. Fall. Send. Achieve unheard of accomplishments. Become a unicorn. On the moon.

- Let others carry the story on for a bit before you add again.

- If this works, one day I'll come back and compile the story into an easier to read format.

Ready? Let's go!

*****

This is a story about Jack and Diane. Two American climbers living out of a van.

Spent a long day day of climbing / drinking PBR. Got back in their van and pulled out in front of a semi.

Lol^....After arriving on the  accident scene. Ofc. D Wood quickly noticed that the semi had been stolen by the "notorious" Jeff Caldwell.

But Jeff pointed out that it should have been a "ditty" about Jack and Diane, not a "story," therefore he was innocent. 

Diane, surviving the crash and recognizing that scum ex husband, beat Caldwell to a pulp. Smoked a nice cigar after.

Three weeks later, Jack's spinal fusion is healing nicely but the van could not be salvaged.

While pulling a long drag on her cigar and staring off into the clouds, Diane began to wonder, If that whipper she took earlier in the day, and the cause for her fight with Jack that distracted him into the accident in the first place, was really 20 feet like she had thought or  if it was really only 6-7.  Shrugging her shoulder thinking at this point out loud "whats done is done" whilst raising an eyebrow towards officer wood, who stood frozen and immobile like the steep Granite walls of yosemite, she picked up her rack and rope, throwing out her thumb in hopes that a passing car would give her a ride.

She ended up hitching a ride from Alex Z on his way to the fish market. She then googled the definition of "run on sentence." 

"OMG!!! ALEKKKSSSS!!" she shrieked.

Realizing he was wearing scantly more than a PAS thong.  He bellowed a thunderous "HO HO HO", in response to her shock and  awe.

Meanwhile, still recovering from his spinal fusion, Jack is feeling utterly abandoned. He wonders wtf happened to Diane while entertaining a thought of a new partner with a van. 

Jack wondered about the probability of returning to top climbing form.  As the doctor entered the room, Jack asked for an internet connection so he could inquire on MP about the likelihood of once again crushing 5.9.

He examined her tatoo again, and noticed that not only was she a no ordinary woman doctor, her tattooed cam had a no ordinary design. "Helga?", he asked. 

"You must confuse me with somebody else." She smiled, "I'm doctor Petra Jardine".

Beeeeep, beeep, beeep, beeep...  Jack pushes Petra's bulky leg off his crotch, reaches over and slams the alarm clocks snooze.  He looks at the date and realizes it's been 3 years since his "accident" and at least 2 years since he last seen Diane, he then wonders how long he will have to scrub in the shower until he removes Petra's stench.

In his reverie, he falls back to sleep, a deep, dreamy sleep.

A little while later, in the southern hemisphere, two amateur Chilean astronomers notice a humongous, boot-shaped asteroid hurtling directly towards Earth. Upon zooming in further, one of them notices something, or rather, someone, astride the midsection.

It was astronaut and climbing enthusiast, Wruce Billis, sent by NASA to ascend the asteroid's highest peak. This peak was deemed by scientists back at Mission Control as the asteroid's critical structural point where a well-placed, hand-sized nuclear weapon could destroy the massive asteroid and save Earth from impending doom. 

Unfortunately, Willis' old fat rear couldn't pull the 5.13 roof (without hollywood magic) to make the placement and had to rap off. Just when it seemed all hope for the planet was lost the flying Elvis' dropped in from an old used space shuttle from Vegas with an Evel Knievel paint job. Then base jumped off the top in squirrel suits to place the bomb...........

Guess who was flying that shuttle. 

It was Diane. In the 3 years since Jack's coma, she had given up climbing as even touching granite made her burst into tears.  Southern sandstone was even more bittersweet strangely turning her on remembering the night they consumated their relationship atop Foster Falls, deep in the sleepy Cumberland Gap after a day of clipping bolts.

Climbing being out of the question, she kissed her comatome Jack goodbye for the last time 2 years ago, and she reinvented herself as an astronaut.

When he awakes, realizing Petra is still gone he seizes his chance to escape her sweaty thighs.

It is far past time, Jack thinks with a smile, to get back to the dirt bag life in classic style: cash, grass or ass, where will that ride take him?

In these times, it just doesn't matter. 

The pink cadillac convertible stops at the side of the road. Jack sees an old, stubbled geezer glancing back at him. He tosses his bag in back and jumps in the front seat. 

The conversation starts slow. The driver doesn't seem to fully trust Jack, or maybe he just doesn't understand the guy walking around with Frankenstein's lurch, carrying two hundred feet of rope like its no big thing.