Climbing/Life Balance (Married, Kids, Life...) WHATS THE SECRET!?

David Coley wrote:

2. The big one, for me. By the sounds of it, you might be clashing with your wife because you have something outside the family that you love, and it part that will feel like a rejection of her. You can spend all the time you like trying to pacify, but in my experience (of friends) you will never succeed. My wife now has a horse. This takes up more time than the family or my climbing. I'm now the good guy. The one who is around more. Problem solved.

Or put a different way that doesn't involve buying a horse....help her find her "climbing".  Help her find something she is as passionate about as you are about climbing.  There is definitely some jealousy in the mix if you have something you are super passionate about but she does have something matching.  My wife's "climbing" was a CNC vinyl cutter and t-shirt maker.  Certainly less smell than a horse.  This can add healthy tension to the system.  "Well I'm going to book club Wednesday so I can't complain he is going to the gym Tues."..."Well I'm going to ComiCon this weekend, so I can't complain about his J-tree trip next weekend".

But at the end of the day you gotta be honest that you climbing is going to be a big part of the family's life.  My kids are getting to the age of lots of after school activities (soccer, dance, girl scouts, drama club, etc., etc.).  We'll do a few throughout the year because I think that kind of stuff is good for kids.  However, I'm not going to stop going to the gym twice a week after work.  I might shift to Monday/Thurs instead of Tues/Thurs to make schedules work.  However, I'm going to be a way better dad to my kids and husband to my wife if I'm happy and there three nights a week instead of there 5 nights a week but always grumpy and longing to be somewhere else.

Secret is remain childless and single 

Loady McGee wrote:

Secret is remain childless and single 

Just listened to a recent dirt bag diaries that seems relevant. Growing down

My wife says "Where are you climbing today?" or "Who are you climbing with today?" She knows how grumpy I get when I don't climb so basically wants me out of the house.  Every April I spend the whole month in the Grampians plus several week or two week long trips a year. Basically she's happy to see the back of me.  I have started to modify it a BIT so I don't spend ALL weekend clambering so I get to see the grandkids but basically everyone knows I'm obsessed with clambering and just let me do it.  At my age (55) doing what I want to do is very important.  She's even started to get ever so slightly interested in You Tube climbing videos...

Just do your own thing.  Every partner in a partnership needs their own time.

I'm never one to tell anyone to have a kid but I have to say teaching a kid to climb is way more fun and challenging than any of my previous climbing projects. No giving up and moving on to a more friendly project, fairy outfits and all.

I think the moral of the story is dont have kids and dont get married (except to someone chill or to a climber) if you want to have a lot of free time and spend all of your money on your hobbies. Dont let the fathers and mothers on the forum bullshit you, kids are hardened killers of free time and disposable income. Pick one or the other, but you cant have it all.

You all act like wives and kids are boxes to check

Take them with you!

Tomily ma wrote:

Take them with you!

Enchanted tower is one of the best swing setsin the world and you get to poop in a bucket!!!

I think parenting at the crag/camping is easier than parenting at home. 

Loady McGee wrote:

Secret is remain childless and single 

climbing friend,

ho ho ho!

with name like "Loady McGee" perhaps this is not so difficult for you?

Ha ha ha!

Myah!

Lewchoo, I didn't read through the forum so maybe I'm repeating what someone else said, but I felt exactly the same when my daughter came along about a year and a half ago.  While my wife climbs, she's not as passionate about it as I am.  I always invite her out and make the plans for a Saturday family friendly.  So just single pitch, nothing R rated, flat base for the kiddos to run around, easy approach, invite other people with families, and didn't rush anything.  This way, I can see my family happy with their experience and I can spend a little bit of time climbing more difficult things if time permits.  What also works is to go on a hike, and then also check out a couple climbs along the way, etc.  

I'd like to say to be a better spouse, but honestly, if you raise the bar a little too high, then it can come crashing down hard - which should be avoided.  So set realistic expectations with her and encourage her to go out on her own adventures, girls night out, whatever to help pay her back a little bit.      

Some of the best climbers in the world past and present had/have families, just find that common ground with the wife and bring them along. It is all about passing on the passion to the next generation. Fathers like Mike Caldwell are extremely proud of his son and what he has helped to foster, who knows your kid may be the next wonder climber.

You never hear Tommy Caldwell or Reinhold Messner talk about never get married or have kids, it can all be done with communication and give and take.

After 30 years of climbing nothing compares to watching your child climb, showing them their first glacier or even help sharpen ice tools and crampons on a winters night, just imagine the stories they will have when they get older.

My daughter at 4 years old, Moab.

Wife:  

Kid #1: 

Kid #2:

Chris treggE wrote:

Kid #2:

Boxtop, right? Or is it Whamus? We had a great day climbing in Box Canyon last summer with our 7-year-old twins. When the whole family climbs, everyone wins!

My wife used to be an avid hiker. Now that we climb, she never wants to hike just for the sake of hiking, even on a rest day. "If we're not on our way to go climbing, it just seems kind of pointless." (Direct quote from her.)

20 kN wrote:

I think the moral of the story is dont have kids and dont get married (except to someone chill or to a climber) if you want to have a lot of free time and spend all of your money on your hobbies. Dont let the fathers and mothers on the forum bullshit you, kids are hardened killers of free time and disposable income. Pick one or the other, but you cant have it all.

Ton of truth to all of that. 

On the other hand, my wife works in hospice, and winds up being the one who holds the hands of lonely dying patients who have either alienated their families or chose not to have one.

Jason Todd wrote:

Ton of truth to all of that. 

On the other hand, my wife works in hospice, and winds up being the one who holds the hands of lonely dying patients who have either alienated their families or chose not to have one.

climbing friend,

not dying alone is terrible and most selfish reason to have family or children. 

now may we all argue about who it is the superior being - one who has fulfilled their biological purpose and "had" the children? Or one who does not "have" the child?

Remember blond kids sell well in Mexico.