SURVEY

I'm in the middle of four very large projects around the house.
It was understood when we BEGAN our relationship that (aside from cherishing her) climbing IS my main focus.

That being said, the projects get held off another day when a partner & I get excited about something and they get held off even longer when I want to travel for a long weekend of craging.

It's hard to walk away from the projects (she lives in the mess too), but I'm only going to live once and I MUST have no regrets. The (now) wife completely understands & is very supportive.

The projects can wait when I'm having fun.

Back to to OP question. Let me start with a fun quote:
"Wow, this all really came together" on our wedding night when I had the time of my life. I had no idea what the wedding day would be like because I did ZERO planning or work to pull it together. She thought is was freeking hilarious when I said that 'it all just came together'.

Don't sacrifice your dreams; long story short.

You should have her read this thread.

1+ for Delta Bravo's comment.

1) Don't do or be anything now that you are not willing to do or be later.
2) Talk this through and be honest. All relationships have their foundations in communication and trust. Once one of those is gone, the relationship is over.
3) If what we think is more important than how she feels... as in you intend to argue your point with her about this using these results... you've already lost.

Another aspect to wedded bliss:
You have several dates through the year where you MUST perform in ever increasing acts of thoughtfulness:
Her B-day
Valentines Day
The anniversary
The holidays

These days are serious traps that can wreck a solid month's worth of climbing time if you fail. They are like the next-level challenges of a video game. They get harder each time. If you go crazy and surprise her with a huge effort for one of these, you have set the bar to which you must at least get back to each time, if not exceed. Just wait until you are 10, 15 years in, coming up with these mandatory homages to her female-ness gets taxing as hell.

cat

whipped

thats how it starts man..

It's never too late to back out.....

j/k. but maybe you guys should talk about your relationship and being supportive of each others hobbies or something...

Just got married. Went climbing the week before the wedding. Going to Yosemite for a month after the Honeymoon at the wife's request. You need to be talking to her instead of us.

Dude don't listen to these foulks they don't know the two of you...they only base their advice on what they have been through in their own lives...talk to her and make her realize how important she is to you ....dude that's your girl they are talking about!

Delta Bravo wrote:Just wait until you are 10, 15 years in, coming up with these mandatory homages to her female-ness gets taxing as hell.

Oh the irony... and the less good-looking she gets, the more you'll have to praise her for it!

Survey #2: What is the proper answer to "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?"

And as for the post above... whatever. Never listen to the advice of people who tell you not to listen to advice.

Especially when their profile reads:
Elena Sera Jose is in the Partner Finder and is open to climbing with new people. Best times to climb: weekends.
Personal: Lives in colorado, Male

They just might have rather interesting pathology...

Tony B wrote: Oh the irony... and the less good-looking she gets, the more you'll have to praise her for it! Survey #2: What is the proper answer to "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?" And as for the post above... whatever. Never listen to the advice of people who tell you not to listen to advice.

That's very sad to hear...some people stay in relationships they should not stay in...

Elena Sera Jose wrote: That's very sad to hear...some people stay in relationships they should not stay in...

Yep. Very true. Some people stay in relationships with people who have no sense of humor. Me? I'm happily married. But I am also grounded in reality about what it takes.
Are you still a man, btw?

Yep dude! That thing wount let me change my name back to Russ haha!

That's pretty seriously weird. Get an admin to help fer God's sake!

Tony B wrote: Yep. Very true. Some people stay in relationships with people who have no sense of humor. Me? I'm happily married. But I am also grounded in reality about what it takes. Are you still a man, btw?

So it's compromise? ??? For the bigger good. Stop confusing the kid and let them work things out between the two of them. If climbing is that important he will find a way to climb and keep his woman happy!

I'm a woman, and I think this is ridiculous. I absolutely understand the fact that your fiance wants help with the wedding, and you should help her, but is she telling you that you're not even allowed to go to the gym? It sounds like she's trying to see how much she can control you. The fact she is asking you to quit doing what you love for an entire month before your wedding makes it sound like she's not supportive of your interests, and I seriously doubt this will be the last time she asks you to stop climbing.

Do you think that your wedding will be the most stressful thing your marriage will face? Absolutely not. Is she going to ask you to completely quit climbing every time something comes up? Is she going to quit doing everything that she enjoys for a month before the wedding?

The only reasonable explanation I can think of for her rule is that you have repeatedly ditched her to go climbing when she needed you in the past. If this is the case, you need to get your priorities straight. If not, you should tell her to stop being a bridezilla and accept the fact that she is not your boss (you should probably phrase it in a nicer way).

Disclaimer: Most of us don't know you, and we don't know your relationship, so, obviously take what we say with a grain of salt.

Anthony Milano wrote:future bride to ask me to lay off climbing for the month surrounding the wedding because it would stress her even more out.

do you think thats her real reason?

Anthony Milano wrote:made her sign something stating this is the only time she is able to ask me not to climb for an agreed amount of time...

good luck with that

Berkeley wrote:The only reasonable explanation I can think of for her rule is that you have repeatedly ditched her to go climbing when she needed you in the past. If this is the case, you need to get your priorities straight. If not, you should tell her to stop being a bridezilla and accept the fact that she is not your boss

+1

TheBirdman wrote:Says the single climbers who all struggle with relationships because climbing takes priority...

I was actually surprised this post (the type of response) hadn't cropped up earlier. There's something to be said for priorities, you are correct, and you gotta decide where your lines are. A loved one asking you to give up other things that make life worthwhile is something else. Good luck with that, I say.

Delta Bravo wrote:Women marry men believing that they can change them. Men marry women thinking they won't change. Both are typically disappointed in those regards.

words to remember.

Have you already cashed in on your bachelor's party? If not then I see the perfect compromise for you--a weekend climbing trip "bachelor's party." If I could change one thing about my wedding it would have been to take a 3 day climbing trip wherever instead of the drunken gambling stripper Vegas weekend of debauchery that I don't really even remember. What a waste when compared to any number of climbing possibilities. I think my wife would have preferred I not do the Vegas trip as well.

Sounds like you better start working on your negotiating skills because it's a long road ahead. Thanks for the thread, helps me see how good I have it with my ball-and-chain...

Tell her to chill out. I got a nice half day of skiing in on my wedding day. Change the location/season and it would have been a half day of climbing.