What your climbing shoes day about you

What your climbing shoes day about you:

5.10 spires/anything from mad rock
You are new here and despite what the belay card on your harness says you are not to be trusted with a grigri.

High tops
As you walk thru the valley you fear no 5.9+ as your big cams, big bros, and big balls comfort you.

TC pros/5.10 Pitons
You are a badass trad climber who fantasizes about long runouts, looking down on the birds, and ham sandwiches. Unfortunately, you live in Maryland, and can only dream and buy really expensive shoes.

Mythos
You are a skilled graceful climber who epitomizes control, poise, and never makes a rushed move. You fancy yourself a skilled all-around climber, which is true as long as you don't count bouldering, splitter cracks, or any terrain steeper than vertical.

Krackulators, boreal aces, EB's
You are like a mythos wearer, but you would not disgrace yourself by climbing on plastic. In fact you don't actually climb that much anymore, and never wearout shoes. However, your fearsome online persona, combined with the few routes you lead back in the day has lead to a god-like status on supertopo.

5.10 Moccasym
You are climbing in the creek. Otherwise see mythos.

Evolve
You're a pretty good climber, maybe even sponsored, but your vegan shoes and farts really do stink.

Murias
You have climbed long routes in the mountains, desert towers, 5.13 sport, and difficult boulder problems. You know one shoe really does it all-if you own three different sizes. Unfortunately a wife and kid will soon end your climbing career.

Muira VS/5.10 dragons
You crushed that pink V7 in the gym last night. After another hang board session and some pushups you will have the confidence to move above the bolt and send your sick 5.10b project when you "climb on a rope" this weekend.

Muria VS ladies
Are a girl, or maybe you have narrow feet.

Katana laceups.
You may be a competent climber, but you have identify issues.

Katana Velcro/Anazasi VCS
You are too lazy to lace up your shoes. You could destroy boulder problems with ninja like precession footwork, but you are usually too lazy to even stick the velcro closures together.

Solutions
You have both your non-climbing and climbing career figured out, hence you can pay top dollar for shoes. You have also mastered the subtle points of sport climbing like stick clipping and suckering some kid in madrocks into hanging the draws on your project.

Some piece of crap shoe with a homemade resole and lots of barge cement holding it together
You belong to the leisure class and are a poet-philosopher living the dream out on the road. You are also in unemployed, have no career, no significant other, nor any non-climber friends. At least you have a rad van.

Slippers
You are a sensitive type and a ringer at toe wrestling competitions.

Vibram five fingers
You will never climb 5.10, but kayaking, mountain biking, yoga, cross fit, and those races where you pay a lot of money to jump in cold water and be electrocuted are all in your future.

5.10 copper heads, 5.10x, zlippers, etc.
You are unique special person and I am sure your mother cares about you.

5.10 guide tennie
Your backpack has a load that would cripple a mule and you have walked up some pretty tall mountains. You can even pull it together some days and second 5.8, but that usually requires any actual pair of climbing shoes.

The Miura description is frighteningly accurate for me (less the .13)

surprisingly funny, and strangely accurate...at least for me

and what's up with the d-bag comment above?

This is some bizarre internet anger being displayed in the post above. Learn to understand a joke, man. The OP's post is clever and funny, and I doubt that he meant it to be taken seriously.

As to the OP: nicely done. I was definitely thinking "way too true" at a couple of them. A few of the others were a bit off, but amusing nonetheless.

i want to know what kind of "identify" issues i have

I would love to witness this thread as an in person conversation. The awkwardness would be priceless.

JCM wrote: The OP's post is clever and funny.

Mythos for me...... but I love cracks and steep climbing.

oh well... I would love to see the deleted post.... prolly funny as heck...

A very wise man one told me... "Its Not about shiney shoes...its about climbing"

i thought it was funny as hell! having owned/currently owning basically every shoe he has listed, i can identify with basically every comment. good stuff!

My climbing shoes tell me that my butt-hurts.

Funny stuff. Nice one Brian.

With all the fanciful shoe names out there, a climbing shoe company needs to bring to market an official Mountain Project model. Like the 5.10 Hater. I would rock a pair of 5.10 Haters.

Brian Adzima wrote:...High tops As you walk thru the valley you fear no 5.9+ as your big cams, big bros, and big balls comfort you...

bobbin wrote:With all the fanciful shoe names out there, a climbing shoe company needs to bring to market an official Mountain Project model. Like the 5.10 Hater. I would rock a pair of 5.10 Haters.

Funny stuff! The bit about the Miuras cuts close to home. Would like to know what kicks you are rocking, Brian.

s.price wrote:Because I think it's fun to poke the hive every once in a awhile. What's really amusing is how easy it is to fire up the hive. And I enjoy seeing how far I can push the mods. Worked!

Miura VS Ladies is spot on! I have yet to see a guy wearing them though (I've seen them wear ladies' katanas, mythos and miuras) - must be the flowers on the velcros...

5.10 guide tennie

Guilty as charged,though for me they are good to 5.9+

Haha, that's really good writing! TC Pro description decribes me to the T... well except I'm a overweight noob trad climber who won't lead a 5.5G two weeks ago because it was cold out and part of the route was wet. Sure was glad to be with a badass trad climber that day though!

I think we struck internet gold here.

Wow. Everything you said about Miuras (my shoe of choice) applies to me. Well done.

That could have been much worse, really. I thought the comment about Solutions was particularly accurate.

I climb in Acopa Merlins (I bought three pair when they went out of business) and Tenaya Ras. I also have some crazy old Anasazis (5-6 resoles?) that I rock in the gym. What does that say about me?