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What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pad is?
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Oct 23, 2009
Rappelling in J-Tree.  Note: Completely unnecessar...
What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pad is?

While riding public transport or simply hiking to the boulders...How do you respond to strangers when they ask you what that large block on your back is? Of course you can't say its for bouldering, cause that simply isn't any fun. I've heard some really good responses like:

-"Alpine Massage Table"
-"Cliff Jumping Wing"
-"Protection from falling rocks"
-"I have a condition that cause me to fall backwards frequently, so it pads my ass, back, and head".

I'd like to hear some more clever responses. What you got?
Randers
From Waukesha, WI
Joined Sep 7, 2009
170 points
Oct 23, 2009
Portable 'den of iniquity' Tradster
From Phoenix, AZ
Joined Nov 13, 2007
6 points
Oct 23, 2009
wham bam hand jam. Wrapping up the final moves of ...
ballast Darren Mabe
From Flagstaff, AZ
Joined Dec 12, 2002
3,733 points
Oct 23, 2009
suspender man
Interestingly, I heard this story while climbing in RRG.. not sure if there is truth.. but i guess when people first started climbing there they would hike in with crashpads.. and the locals all thought they were homosexuals going into the woods to do it on their pads... eric larson
From aurora, co
Joined Apr 11, 2008
79 points
Oct 23, 2009
Rappelling in J-Tree.  Note: Completely unnecessar...
eric larson wrote:
Interestingly, I heard this story while climbing in RRG.. not sure if there is truth.. but i guess when people first started climbing there they would hike in with crashpads.. and the locals all thought they were homosexuals going into the woods to do it on their pads...


haha, good ole' Kentucky.
Randers
From Waukesha, WI
Joined Sep 7, 2009
170 points
Oct 23, 2009
It's a carry case for my ex

(then I start running)
Buff Johnson
Joined Dec 19, 2005
1,494 points
Oct 23, 2009
Jacob Krenn working his way up the Incredible Hulk...
When I was living in Yosemite, me and my buddy were bouldering in Tuolumne on a shitty weather day, when some backpackers stumbled upon us scouting some bouldering in a relatively 'secret' area. We still had our pads on our packs, and they inquired as to the use us the pads. We explained (I thought rather well) their use, and the husband of the couple retorted with "So, your telling me that you climb up cliffs with those pads on your back, and if you fall, you rely on those pads to protect you if you fall on your back?!?". We simply agreed with him, and wandered off. I think from now on, I'll just use the 'ol 'their acrobatic sex pads' response. Jacob Krenn
Joined Aug 11, 2008
98 points
Oct 23, 2009
Me in the Buddha Cave at crumblewood a while ago.
A couple of good articles have been written on this point. This one is the only one I could dig up right now but gives you an idea of what is encountered and some good responses:

rockandice.com/inthemag.php?id...
Andy Librande
From Denver, CO
Joined Nov 7, 2005
1,914 points
 
Oct 23, 2009
Just a teaser
-gang bang!
-talus sled
....or my all time favorite is that we are part of the Ground Squirrel Dental Outreach Program. The Pads are helpful for sedating the squirrels then we use our "tooth formula" (chalk) and Brush their teeth!
Monty
From Golden, CO
Joined Mar 13, 2006
3,019 points
Oct 23, 2009
Function over fashion.  My newest pair of climbing...
Mountain lion shield
wrestling mat

Legs Magillicutty
From Littleton
Joined May 28, 2002
815 points
Oct 23, 2009
While hiking into Lumpy Ridge to an undisclosed bouldering area with Craig Luebben Just days before he left for the cascades, we passed a group of adventure hikers who asked this very question,

There were four men with pads on there backs, none of us said a word and Craig replied "we are going into the mountains to have sex!!"

I can still here is soft spoken tone and laugh, from now on thats gonna be my response, LOL
JPVallone
Joined Aug 25, 2004
204 points
Oct 23, 2009
View of Longs Peak from Mt. Alice, RMNP
I was bouldering in Castlewood Canyon a while back and we passed a family on the trail with a little girl.
We were being a little rowdy, but I overheard the little girl ask what was on our backs.
The mom looked strangely at as, and told the little girl we were bums going to sleep in the canyon on our mattresses.
We laughed and told her she was right, we were looking for a good cave to stay the night in.
Jeremy Monahan
From Fort Fun, CO
Joined May 18, 2002
477 points
Oct 23, 2009
Chris setting up the rappel in the Southeast Gully...
It's a prayer mat for a religious cult that is especially popular among 18 to 25 year olds who wear beenies. Chris Sheridan
From Boulder, CO
Joined Jan 18, 2006
1,635 points
Oct 23, 2009
Jacob Krenn working his way up the Incredible Hulk...
All classic. Jacob Krenn
Joined Aug 11, 2008
98 points
Oct 23, 2009
hardman
"a portable drumset folds out of here. Madrock is the name of my band" Rafe
Joined May 5, 2009
554 points
Oct 23, 2009
Turtle shell matt snider
From Flagstaff AZ.
Joined Aug 25, 2009
20 points
 
Oct 23, 2009
@ the 420s
Mountain couch Brett Billings
From Fort Collins, CO
Joined Aug 30, 2008
165 points
Oct 23, 2009
Wide abgle!
special sex pads Andrew James C
From Portland, OR
Joined Sep 15, 2009
549 points
Oct 24, 2009
Dappled Mare
This cracked me up (from the article that Andy posted):

"I dealt, of course … first by telling people that my crash pad was actually a sex mat. I would say, “This is a sex mat for woodland erotica.” I’d wink and point my thumb at Jen. Then I would say, “Just kidding.” The confused person would laugh uneasily. Then we would stare at each other in uncomfortable silence. And then they would stop asking me about my crash pad.

Eventually, things became more confrontational. One man said, “There are a thousand of you guys out here today!”

My first thought was, I freakin’ hope not!

Instead, I said, “Yeah, well, there are about two thousand of you guys out here today!”

“Huh?” he said. I had snatched his logic carpet out from under him. The idea that he—not me—was the odd one, reversed his blood flow and destroyed his mind.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I said, not letting up. “You guys. What are you doing out here anyway? I mean, seriously, what are you doing?”

“We-e-ll,” he stammered, “we’re hiking.”

“Like, you just walk around in the woods? And that’s it?” I said, feigning great disbelief.

“Yeah, you know. Hiking,” he said.

“Huh,” I said. “You hear that, Jen? These people come out here and they just walk. Isn’t that wild? Isn’t that just nuts?”

And I probably would’ve won that round, too, if this guy hadn’t been a total ninja. Instead, he pulled out his samurai sword—fa-ching!—and sliced me open with the most perfect comeback of all time.

“Knock knock,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“Knock knock,” he said again.

“Who’s there?” I said, awash in resigned waves of dread.

“Go fuck yourself,” he said.

I looked at him and laughed uneasily. Then he said, “Just kidding.” Then we stood in awkward silence. Then we left. The playing field had been leveled. He went hiking, and I went bouldering, each act completely neutralized by our own smug egos."

The article: rockandice.com/inthemag.php?id...
ShibbyShane
Joined Jan 30, 2009
23 points
Oct 24, 2009
it's a MAXI pad for my
mangina.

'cause i don't have the balls
to lead routes.
d-know
From electric lady land
Joined Jan 18, 2006
118 points
Oct 24, 2009
I read this article in R&I and found it to be the most ridiculous arrogant and unwarranted case of "i'm cooler than you" I have ever seen. The worst part was when the author "came to terms" with their ridiculous elitist behavior, apparantly justifying it. Anyone who can't see that bouldering is weird (as fun as it is) needs a reality check. I believe it was Dave Graham who said something to the effect of.. never think you're that cool, you're still just climbing rocks in the woods with the bugs, and everyone thinks you're crazy. DEF
From CT
Joined Aug 5, 2009
26 points
Oct 24, 2009
Me in the Buddha Cave at crumblewood a while ago.
If you are really good and want to get people to really be freaked out this is something that we have thought of before.

Since a lot of climbers bring along still cameras and video cameras just be carrying them so it is obvious. When someone asks you what you are doing tell them you are filming for a website nakedinthewoods.com or something along those lines. For a true trump card get some business cards printed-up with said website and hand them one.

This would probably work best when there is an odd assortment of males and females. Such as three guys and one girl.

Then again the police might be combing the woods for you as soon as the family gets back into cell-phone range...
Andy Librande
From Denver, CO
Joined Nov 7, 2005
1,914 points
Oct 24, 2009
"Why don't you follow us and find out?" anyone with you chimes in "Yeah, why don't you come with us??" J C Wilks
From Loveland, CO
Joined Aug 29, 2006
301 points
Oct 26, 2009
I like to just say protection. This leaves them with this kind of stupid look like "protection from what,should I have protection too. What do we need protection from? Is it safe out here?" This answer provides more questions than answers and I get a kick out of the way people respond. pooler
From Albany, NY
Joined Sep 28, 2009
21 points
 
Oct 26, 2009
Me in the Buddha Cave at crumblewood a while ago.
pooler wrote:
I like to just say protection. This leaves them with this kind of stupid look like "protection from what,should I have protection too. What do we need protection from? Is it safe out here?" This answer provides more questions than answers and I get a kick out of the way people respond.



That's pretty good, going to have to try that one out. You should also have a gun around your waist to really throw them off: mountainproject.com/v/colorado...
Andy Librande
From Denver, CO
Joined Nov 7, 2005
1,914 points
Oct 26, 2009
The pad? Oh, well I'm narcoleptic so I carry this around for when I fall asleep and tip over backwards. Keeps me safe and comfy. Lanky
From Tired
Joined Jun 20, 2008
405 points


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