What determines how we react to failure? New article.

At a recent ABS bouldering competition, I noticed a difference in how Youth and Open competitors reacted to failure. Reflecting on this, I wrote this article about how coping skills are formed.

masterrockclimber.com/a-lit…

I hope you get something useful from it.

Don

Coping skills are developed by the unaware. They are tools for mind to maintain control of situation beyond its control. The reaction to failure largely depends on the desire or amount of importance we as individuals apply to a given situation. Failing at an unimportant task is not likely to get the same reaction as something that is felt to be very important.

Coping skills are no longer needed when the individual is able to remain free from desire and not apply importance to the outcomes of their actions. Failure loses its meaning to a self aware person. There is no failure, only what happens and what does not.

Spiritual understanding is lacking in science. Psychology seeks to understand the human from a scientific approach and so lacks true understanding and wisdom in its answers. It leaves us with the idea that these are normal human conditons but they are not. They are the conditions of dysfunctional humans.

Sounds like you have it all figured out.

You stop sweating it as you get older as a general rule of thumb. In this first world of affluented youngsters where "there are no loosers" and "everybody is special and it is okay to weigh 300 pounds" coping skills are nill, hence high rate of addiction, crime, depression and suicide. That should be nuf said about this topic.
Ha they drink back home as a base line. I'm talking a constant level of alcohol in the blood. They don't live that long either. But that is a whole new subject. No affluents there though. Most incarcerated for domestic violence...alcohol related. Still less are locked up than here. And suicide rate is way down than in the US.

Bill Wa wrote:You stop sweating it as you get older as a general rule of thumb. In this first world of affluented youngsters where "there are no loosers" and "everybody is special and it is okay to weigh 300 pounds" coping skills are nill, hence high rate of addiction, crime, depression and suicide. That should be nuf said about this topic.

So Elena, back in the day the kids never cried in Smolensk?

I think the idea that adults don't cry because they know how to deal with failure better is misleading. It certainly doesn't indicate how upset someone is. Adults, especially men, are not really allowed to cry. We are heavily socialized throughout life to distance ourselves from this completely natural and healthy reaction to disappointment.

Maybe the older people here have something to learn from the youngsters. It's okay to cry. Infact, it's better than internalizing stuff and blocking the body's natural processes. Maybe the author's observations are of the dysfunctional socialization that we all go through in this messed up culture, not maturing with age, which I don't see happen often.

MC Poopypants wrote:I think the idea that adults don't cry because they know how to deal with failure better is misleading. It certainly doesn't indicate how upset someone is. Adults, especially men, are not really allowed to cry. We are heavily socialized throughout life to distance ourselves from this completely natural and healthy reaction to disappointment. Maybe the older people here have something to learn from the youngsters. It's okay to cry. Infact, it's better than internalizing stuff and blocking the body's natural processes. Maybe the author's observations are of the dysfunctional socialization that we all go through in this messed up culture, not maturing with age, which I don't see happen often.

Word up sensitive new age guy. to prove your point why not post a up a vid of your 'natural and healthy reaction to disappointment' when you fail on your next proj?

A short video from master Italian animator Bozzetto that might disabuse you of the notion that our current culture is somehow more "messed up" than any previous cultures.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijcuXh-Lk9E

MC Poopypants wrote:Coping skills are no longer needed when the individual is able to remain free from desire and not apply importance to the outcomes of their actions.

Great idea but it doesn't work amongst human beings... Being the passionate and emotional creatures we are.

Being able to recognize loss and a missed mark is important. It's why we train/practice, to raise the level of our worst point higher than the last time. Ever been with someone who said "that sucked" and you thought 'wish i was half as good as your worst moment.' Act with intent. Screw up and do better next time. Never be short on grace with yourself or others.

Free from desire? No living human has done this.

Jackson,

For those that are aware and choose to apply this thinking it works just fine. Recognizing loss is important? What is loss? How is not climbing something a loss? One thing you may want to look at is your idea that climbing a higher number equate to a better experience. I believe it does not. I am not envious of others experiences, I appreciate my own.

Some people do live without desire. Meeting needs is not desire.

"Some people do live without desire."

Forget failure, how do we react to people who are completely delusional?