Lynn,

I was involved in a slightly similar situation recently. My unsolicited advice is that people aren't necessarily going to react to the situation the way you or Paul want them to. Probably it is best to let the bitterness go and move on with more positive thinking. Place your energy somewhere else. This belayer probably does have guilt and feels like crap, but they might not have the strength inside them to deal with it. It takes a lot to admit a mistake and then to try to do something positive to those it has wronged. It is hard enough living with the guilt...for some burying it might be the only option. Or dealing with it without the one they caused so much pain.

I'm not saying you are wrong for anything written here and you have every right to be pissed off...just don't hold your breath waiting for some event that might never happen.

Trust me I've been waiting for mine for a long time and it probably will never happen the way I think myself and my family deserve. It caused me a lot of pain, anger, and resentment that has taken a lot of work to rid myself of. I'm still not there, I just think about it less and less. Negative energy is really harmful.

The other thing is that say this person comes back to help Paul...would he even want him around...would he somehow release him from penance at some point? Would he forgive him if XYZ were done? Will it be evident to either one when this point will come? Tough questions.

You should rent the documentary about wheelchair basketball...it has a story of differing circumstances but along the same lines as is the case here. Might be interesting for you and Paul to watch.

I'd like to thank Ron for posting the link to the Grigri video, since I'm just learning to use the device. I've climbed for many years, but have always used an ATC until recent trips to Rifle this summer convinced me that the Grigri was the way to go. I've been concerned in the past about belayers who are careless with their brake hand due to trust in an auto-locking device. This accident, and my own thank-God near-misses are just reminders that the consequences of being careless in climbing are significant and non of us should become lax in belaying.