So, I want to climb the Bastille crack tomorrow at some point.....and as usual, even though it's only a 5.7, it's no simple endeavor. I mean, consider the factors that lead up to a simple 5.7:

I'm going to probably get real drunk tonight and be dealing with an unknown beast of a hangover in the morning. (common problem, rated 5.3)

I am unable to wake up past 8 am (I hate my job) and it takes a while to mobilize....so no matter what ETD I put on it, I'm bound to be there an hour or more later. (really just a tangent off of the previous issue, so rated 5.3a)

I have to be back to Denver and sh**, showered and shaved by 3pm for a professional social event (I'm looking for a new job and this could be a networking opportunity). [rated 5.4 because I hate wearing a tie]

All of the previously mentioned points apply to my partner who may throw a kink in the plan at any point. [rated 5.5 R, due to uncertainty and relative difficulty in finding a suitable second]

That leaves me at the the 5th pitch, 5.6 crux.......traffic. The Bastille Crack is sure to be teased and tickled by many-a-man (and/or lady) tomorrow and the thought of getting stuck behind Pokey Smurf on pitch 2 makes me want to scrap the whole endeavor and spend the day throwing a frisbee at geese in city park just to appease my resentment towards the universe for not climbing on a Saturday.

So given these circumstances, I have decided to request that everyone stay off of the Bastille Crack tomorrow so that my weekend is not ruined. Your compliance is appreciated and I apologize for any inconvenience caused to you.

As a side-note, the guidebook should be revised to include the first five pitches.

Is your partner named Mark Vincent per chance?

This is really hard for me, but count me in (or out?). Your wholesome plea has made me not want to climb B-crack tomorrow. Do us proud and hurl on someone from the crux. That would be sweet.

Thanks everybody! Not only did my buddy and I get on it without a wait--we cranked it in two pitches with a 60m rope for the first time...love the route. See photo...

Bastille Crack. Submitted By: Reed McCoy on Jun 7, 2012

Your tenacity is truly inspiring. Nice montage, by the way; or is that a Triptych?

I believe it would qualify as just a collage--I looked up triptych to figure out the details and it really only qualifies if it has three separate panels. Thanks, my partner shot, edited, and stitched it together using just his iPhone.