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Sep 1, 2013
I thought that mtn project needed some comedy so please post. Tyler Newcomb
Joined Dec 25, 2012
27 points
Sep 2, 2013
how can you spot a trad climber at a party? goingUp
From over here
Joined Apr 9, 2013
33 points
Sep 2, 2013
......dont worry, he'll tell you goingUp
From over here
Joined Apr 9, 2013
33 points
Sep 2, 2013
Me redpointing Power Series. This route is amazing...
^^^ I always heard a similar joke about ski patrol.

There' s a hundred people in a room and only one of them is on ski patrol. How do you know which one? (Pause) he'll tell you.
C. Archibald
Joined Apr 15, 2012
656 points
Sep 3, 2013
How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


One. and 9 to cheer them on.
Chris Small
Joined Jan 29, 2013
0 points
Sep 3, 2013
Me cleaning at neat rock on the standard route in ...
How many climbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- 0, Climbers don't screw in light bulbs we screw in sleeping bags!
Patrick K.
From Bozeman
Joined Nov 8, 2009
275 points
Sep 3, 2013
Mt. Agassiz
Chris Small wrote:
How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. and 9 to cheer them on.


COME ON! COME ON, MAN! TWIST IT! COME ON! SO SICK!
Ryan Nevius
From The Range of Light
Joined Dec 29, 2010
783 points
Sep 3, 2013
Leashless bliss. 3 points of contact
Three mountain guides are sitting around a campfire deciding to hold up below treeline, out on the lonesome, each with the bravado for which guides are famous. 

A night of tall tales begins... The first guide says, "I must be the meanest, toughest guide there is. Why, just the other day, an ornery bull elk got loose in Banff and gored six tourists before I wrestled him to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second guide, not to be outdone, boasted: "Why that's nothin'. I was climbing in Skaha walking the trail yesterday and a 15 foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that varmint with my bare hands, bit it's head off, and sucked the poison right out of my arm. And I'm still here today."

The third guide remained silent,...

slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Tom-onator
From trollfreesociety
Joined Feb 15, 2010
800 points
Sep 3, 2013
These ar good guys. How about:

Ive got mo friends and my nuts are too small!!!!
Tyler Newcomb
Joined Dec 25, 2012
27 points
Sep 3, 2013
Chris Small wrote:
How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. and 9 to cheer them on.


Come on man get to that socket!! Sick lets go sick.
Tyler Newcomb
Joined Dec 25, 2012
27 points
Sep 3, 2013
...
"^^^ I always heard a similar joke about ski patrol.

There' s a hundred people in a room and only one of them is on ski patrol. How do you know which one? (Pause) he'll tell you."




Also heard something very similar. Replace with ADHD RESOLER.
Locker
From Yucca Valley, CA
Joined Oct 13, 2002
2,382 points
Sep 3, 2013
How many Boulderites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One: they just hold the bulb up, and the world revolves around them.
Ethan Newman
Joined May 7, 2012
71 points
Sep 3, 2013
Dreamweaver
Ethan Newman wrote:
How many Boulderites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One: they just hold the bulb up, and the world revolves around them.


Win!

Boulderites can also be replaced with Portlandeers.
Dave Bn
From Fort Collins, CO
Joined Jul 13, 2011
15 points
Sep 3, 2013
Me redpointing Power Series. This route is amazing...
I am pro-boulderite joke. C. Archibald
Joined Apr 15, 2012
656 points
Sep 3, 2013
What do you do if a professional climber comes to your house?


Pay for your pizza.
nicelegs
From Denver
Joined Oct 29, 2012
16 points
Sep 3, 2013
When I leave Colorado, nobody has ever heard of Boulder Buff Johnson
Joined Dec 19, 2005
1,494 points
Sep 3, 2013
Jose Cuervo Fruitcups dirtbag style
Buff Johnson wrote:
When I leave Colorado, nobody has ever heard of Boulder


you gotta make sure you're outside of at least 8 hour driving radius though... Indian Creek and Tensleep are pretty much their weekend crags.
doligo
Joined Sep 26, 2008
408 points
Administrator
Sep 3, 2013
Courtright Reservoir, September 2013
You know you're a trad climber when Courtesy of Trango

all your draws are 12" long
your kid climbs harder than you do
you've worn out a set of cams
there is scar tissue on the back of your hands
you shave the back of your hands
you've got old tape gloves lying around
you quit sport climbing because you can't do any of the routes
you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips
you say, "what?" when your leader says, "take!"
you can wear your climbing shoes all day
you enjoy guilt-free eating
you don't know what your body-fat % is
you ask your partner how much water to bring along
you do a first ascent and report the names of both members in your party
you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay
you read back-issues of mountain gazette
you know how to turn a crack 'n up into a beak
you know what a beak is
you wake up at 2:00am to go climbing
your drill uses a hammer
you take a nap in the middle of a climb
you spend three hours removing a fixed cam
you don't want beta
you think a bong is a type of piton
you remember when climbing gear didn't have springs
you take a forty footer
you summit a desert tower
you still use a gear sling
there is a holster on your harness
you rappel six pitches in the dark
you rappel six pitches in the snow
you drill from a stance
you own a hammer and a haul bag
you have sex on a belay ledge
you're on day 2 of a sport climbing trip and you can't remember what you did on day 1
you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit
your rack is worth more than your car
your best memories are from the epics you've had
you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn't do the route you thought you did
you spend a night hanging in slings
you miss work on monday because you epic'd on sunday
a whole block of chalk fits in your chalk bag
you dump your boyfriend because he just doesn't get it
you wear out a set of jugs
you drive all night so you can climb all day
you drive all night because you climbed all day
you're up so high the trees look like broccoli
your rack of pins is heavier than your rack of draws
your slings have knots in them
you know who larry penberthy is
you know the difference between a copperhead and a circlehead
you think "beta" is a video format
you can shit and and belay at the same time
you wear socks in your climbing shoes
a long approach doesn't discourage you from a good climb
you coil your rope
you've set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack
Adam Stackhouse
Joined Jan 3, 2001
13,482 points
Sep 3, 2013
Two lawyers are high up on El Cap when a buxomly beautiful blond climber soloes up past them. One of the lawyers turns to the other and says "man, I sure would like to screw her." The other lawyer reflects for a moment and then replys "outta what"? Warren Scott
Joined Feb 10, 2010
11 points
Sep 3, 2013
Mountain Bandito
What happens when you sit on the snow to long...?
You get Polaroids
Taylor-B.
From CO & AK
Joined Oct 20, 2009
2,624 points
Sep 3, 2013
I'd kill a snitch
How do you describe sex at Indian Creek? In tents The Blueprint Part Dank
From FEMA Region VIII
Joined Jun 21, 2013
258 points
Sep 3, 2013
Warren Scott wrote:
Two lawyers are high up on El Cap when a buxomly beautiful blond climber soloes up past them. One of the lawyers turns to the other and says "man, I sure would like to screw her." The other lawyer reflects for a moment and then replys "outta what"?


I like it!
FrankPS
From Atascadero, CA
Joined Nov 19, 2009
127 points
Sep 3, 2013
How do you tell it's springtime in Indian Creek?

The license plates turn green.
SoBrave
Joined Sep 3, 2013
7 points
Sep 3, 2013
Old Man gap highline!
not exactly climbing related, but a good joke nonetheless.

What's the difference between a female raft guide and a catfish?

One's wet, smells funny, and has whiskers. And the other is a catfish.
James Xu
From Flagstaff, Arizona
Joined Jan 10, 2012
56 points
Sep 3, 2013
Marvin and Greg scoping Crow's Heads Spires - snow...
Wilderness First Responder:

"I'm not a real doctor, I just play one on outings"
Bryan Ferguson
From Castle Rock
Joined Apr 16, 2008
789 points
Sep 3, 2013
STOP your bitching, NRG
What do you call a climber who has recently become divorced or has been dumped?

Homeless
Joseph DeGaetano
From Fayetteville, WV
Joined May 12, 2008
481 points


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