I have been married for 15 years to a non climbing wife. The solution to our happiness is simple:

She lets me do whatever I want, and I don't do anything she doesn't want me to do.

Shane
I knew it you have been two timing me and your married.

Sorry dude just making light of something that has hurt and destroyed so many.
Next sunny day lets ditch the wife's and go climbing then we can take them to Cuba Cuba and make good over a couple Mojito's .

As the husband of a non-climbing wife I feel the need--nay, the duty--to chime in here, albeit at the risk of adding to an already lengthy thread. Further, I consider Mike--the original poster for anyone who bothered to look back that far--a good buddy.

And...I promise to keep my comments relevant to the topic.

Mike, great question! It should be clear by now that every climber with a non-climbing spouse/significant other (and even those without) has a different opinion, based of course on his or her own experiences. If you're lucky one or two tidbits from all these opinions will ring out and add some perspective to yours.

Here's mine:

First, I made damn sure before I even started dating my wife seriously that she knew the full extent of my obsession, and that I had no intention of suppressing it for anyone or anything. Of course her desire for me to correct my devious ways creeps in from time to time, whereupon I am forced to remind her of this fact. The bottom line is this was a huge starting advantage for me. My wife would be loath to admit she is trying to change me, which is precisely what she would have to do given the original understanding, so she backs off. Anyway, on the rare occasions she hassles me it's usually due to some short-lived, petty insecurity that we all get from time to time. The great thing she knows herself well enough to admit that's all it is and gets over it. All of us should be so self-aware.

Second, my wife has a life and interests of her own (this is also something it helps to know in advance). She doesn't sit at home while I'm out climbing waiting anxiously for me to come home--she does her own thing. It's not uncommon for me to stay home while she goes out and does her thing.

Third, and most important, my wife is really cool. I climb two to three days a week year-round, whether that be a weekday evening at the gym, a whole weekend day at the crag, or a week-long trip to the Bugaboos, and she RARELY complains about it. I am only too happy to repay this courtesy by spending a Saturday taking a walk in the park, or taking a plush week-long trip to Cancun, with her. It's called compromise. It's also what makes me love her so much and WANT to spend time with her.

Finally, there have been times I felt like chucking my married life (no kids, by the way) and becoming a full-time selfish pig. Thing is, I've been there and, while it has it's advantages, I don't like it. After 40+ years I figured out that no matter what life I choose for myself, I CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING.

Good luck with your situation, Mike.

P.S. How about the trials of those who have spouses/significant others that DO climb? That's not necessarily a picnic either, from what I've observed.

Well, I have a non-climbing spouse. But she love's to be with me and loves being outdoor's. She would probably climb, but she's scared of hieght's. We have been married for 23 yrs. I couldn't be happier!! I know, now you guy's are jealous right? haha>

To try to stay with the OP:
My husband and I met climbing so I can't comment on that directly but my husband also raced go-karts when I met him. I have no intrinsic interest in go-karts. He invited me to come. I came a few times because I love him and to show him that I supported him in his passions and then quickly bowed out. He does the same with me and yoga. On the one hand, it was easy because I have a busy and active life and had plenty to do while he was racing. On the other hand, this is perhaps different than your question because he only raced a weekend or two a month, and only during the summer so we had plenty of time together and we shared climbing.

So the more difficult question for me is whether your friend wants to climb during the only time that he and his partner have to spend together OR does she want to spend more time with him than he does with her. Either of those creates a situation where climbing really is pitted against the success of the relationship.

You either grow together or grow apart. Assuming your friend and his wife started together... (I have no idea who these people are of course so IMHO, YMMV, etc)

Anyone run into the problem of having a climbing spouse who has lost the ability to join you? My wife and I were blindsided when she was diagnosed with MS in 2/06. She still would love to join me, but her gas tank is half of what it was. I was going out a good bit this past year, and she openly communicated that she felt left out and alienated. I know there is no simple solution to this dilemma, so anyone with any productive thoughts?

You just go climbing if she wants to go fine,If she don't leave her ass at home.If she can't handle it.Get a new one!Or more than one!Who knows! I know one thing, my wife I have now knows I'm climbing for life. With her or without her.You see for me climbing is not just a hobby its a life style.And she knows that!Sounds like this chick needs to be married to a bowler or maybe a golf or some shit.

Heres what works for me (married 18 years to a woman whose idea of outdoors is the distance between the car and the building).

Always plan extra time into your schedule, keep your gear in your vehicle at all times.

Never go within two days of your anniversary, her birthday, or your kids birthdays (if you have kids).

Always reserve a personal holiday on your birthday.

Make the case that climbing is exercise.

Find something she hates like fishing for example, then whenever she complains about climbing, mention spending 50,000 on that bass boat and being gone the next seventeen weekends. An indoor worm farm would go well with that BTW.

Buy yourself gear for Christmas, wrap it, and place it under the tree when nobody is watching. If you have kids put there names under "from."

If you have kids get them started early and stress the importance of that quality time together, but plan on being belay-slave.

Today is our 33rd wedding aniversary. While we met climbing, she has not really climbed since the birth of our first child 32 years ago. Although she did manage to climb Arrow at the Gunks while 7 months pregnant. Just make sure you are sensitive to your spouses feelings.

For gbest, check out the Jimmy Heuga Center for MS . My wife is taking someone she climbed with 35 years ago there in May for a Can DO class. Good luck.

Shawn you got this thing down.I gauss one has to do what one has to do.One thing for sure is you don't give up Climbing!!Otherwise your shoes end up in the Layton Kor museum of climbers that just quit.

http://www.supertopo.com/climbing/thread.html?topic_id=54143>>>>>

Shawn Gibson's post (above) says it all!