And there are not guys who would rather spend their weekends climbing than with their girlfriend's?

Absolutely. In the Land of Men's Brains there are no bright lines, only gray areas...

That is perfectly said

Well, and more nicely said than what I was thinking!

Hi there,

I'm Jamie Lynn, and my friend Chris Kalous and I host a climbing podcast called Off Belay...everything climbing without leaving the ground. It's free, online at: offbelaypodcast.com or downloadable on Itunes.

We discuss oh so many issues related to the climbing lifestyle, and we recently our ""Relationship" episode.

Personally, I feel it's a fundamental challenge to have a partner who is less motivated/passionate/into climbing. There's the quality time spent together, the shared zest for the lifestyle, the mental and physical warm fuzzies we all feel through climbing; I think it'd be hard to date someone who wasn't in the loop. And as a woman, I feel there are added social pressures that affect our relationships, which men don't necessarily face.

It's kind of caveman-esque, but I think it's true: society, even our climbing culture, still thinks it's natural/normal for a man to go off and do his outdoor thing, have big adventures, be passionate about something that takes them away from his woman. At some really fundamental level, men are still expected to be independent, self-reliant and autonomous in this way.

When women are faced with the same desires - i.e. to climb a lot, or to climb hard, and to spend that time that takes them away from their partners on a regular basis, it seems to become more problematic. I think most men get kind of resentful, kind of suspicious and feel kind of neglected.


I've overheard many "I'm scared to break up because I don't want to lose my climbing partner" conversations between women over the years; I don't think men have these conversations nearly as often. Currently, I'm not in a climbing relationship, and I struggle with losing climbing partners to new boyfriends, or potential new climbing partners to suspicious girlfriends.

I'd like to think this disparity can be resolved and certainly, there are all sorts of variations on the relationship theme; but nonetheless, the issues are there and there are a lot of them to sift through.

Check out the podcast. I think you'll dig the discourse. Again, Off Belay, at: offbelaypodcast.com. Love to hear from you!

alpinista83 I agree with everything you say. I very strongly agree with your partner who prefers to climb with women. It is less competitive, more light hearted and just plain fun. In general. I've had partners of both genders who just didn't work out.

Climbing relationships are hard!

I'm not going to get into the vastly different ways men and women view sexuality, attraction, relationships and what not.

But my comment you quoted was not meant about guys who you're climbing with. Reading over it, I can see how I didn't write that sentence very well. I was talking about the suggestion that the less gung-ho boyfriend tag along to hike, or read or whatever while his girlfriend was off climbing with a compatible climbing partner.

I posit that most (not all) guys would have a difficult time in this scenario. I don' think it necessarily makes them "pigs", it may just mean that their ego is a little overdeveloped, or that they still hew very strongly to traditional notions of gender roles; something we all seem to do to a greater or lesser extent.

In any event, all successful partnerships, whether platonic or sexual, are a strange and wonderful alchemy. I think it's pretty close to impossible to come up with hard and fast, "either/or" rules about how it should work.

To the OP, I hope this is not hijacking your thread and excellent question, that is not my intent.