The Ethics of Stickers

So yesterday morning I was at the parking lot of a popular climbing area which I'm not going to reveal. I was smirking at the gumbies and smoking a cig as I psyched myself up to walk the mile-and-a-half to my chosen route when a Subaru pulled up and parked. Two climbers, a guy and a girl, got out of the sticker plastered car, hefted packs and walked toward the trailhead gate which I was standing next to.

In a bad mood because I was about to walk an extra half mile since the parking lot was relocated some years ago, I blew a little cloud of smoke on the couple as they squeezed by me to go through the gate. "Pfft, tools," I thought as I reviewed the stickers on their car. All the usual climbing gear companies were represented: Petzl, Black Diamond, that stupid Backcountry goat sticker, and plenty more. Then I saw it: The faded Neptune Mountaineering sticker with three climbers roped together, tumbling down the Matterhorn.

The image is from Edward Whymper's "Scrambles Amongst the Alps," a literary classic. I didn't need to focus to see the words; anybody who's been in the Front Range for a minute knows it reads, "Climbing, it rips the screams out of your mouth." The sticker itself might now be considered a classic but it was definitely the last thing I wanted to see before I soloed a popular 5.7. It's not that I'm not confident at the grade, but I knew the next hour would be spent obsessing over Helga, a buxom and good natured transvestite I'd fallen in love with in Zermatt.

I won't go into the details of our liaison amoureuse but I'll admit it was the hottest month I'd spent in Switzerland. It was as though I'd found my raison d'etre. Alas, it ended too soon and on an emotional note. And now, here I was, alone and surrounded by n00bs who knew not the carnal pleasures of love nor the heady freedom of soloing high above the masses.

Filled with sadness I walked back to my car and drove to the bar to forget Helga. Today is a brand new day and apart from soiling my trousers this morning upon awakening in an alley, it promises to be splendid.

So now I'll ask of you, gentle The Proj members, the obvious question: How do you keep gravel and twigs from falling into your chalkbag?

Thank you. This site has really been slacking on the poetry lately.

What the hell are you talking about?

You signed up today to post this nonsense?

I've never heard of this band, they sing about LSD, any suggestions on a good song?

I let the gravel and twigs accumulate so when I run low on chalk I can rub them between my fingers and wonder why they wont break apart like chunks of chalk.

FrankPS wrote:You signed up today to post this nonsense?

So because a soloist at a popular Lumpy 5.7 got offended by a Youre Gonna Die comment, you got offended before soloing a popular Lumpy 5.7 by a Youre Gonna Die bumper sticker? And you smoke when climbing!? Nice parody.

s.price wrote:Twigs and gravel are a part of the game. Make a pretty fine tea as well.

Jezmund wrote:How do you keep gravel and twigs from falling into your chalkbag?

I could go with "BAAAHHHHHHHH, that was genius"...... or ... engrossing, absorbing, captivating, gripping, fascinating, riveting, consuming, addictive read. Being that I can't decide between the two, I'll leave both.
Thanks for keeping MP hilarious. Clearly there are a few forum threads I have missed, but caught most of the puns.
Looking forward to future posts.
Thanks again.

lolololol

Looks like supertopo might have sprang a leak

Well played, citizen.

good stuff! a hint of classic Twight.

Is this the new Aleks??

Gravel n twigs is better than twig n berries.....
#thisshitisgettinstoopid

Chalk is a crutch don't use it and problem solved...

Use the twigs and gravel as a "totem" to remind yourself that you're still in the matrix.

When I see more and more people with "Coexist" stickers on their cars ( You know the one where all of the letters are made with different religious and gender symbols ( is it still OK to say "gender?").... anyway ), I will know the world is on its way to healing.

1. i think it is very rude and selfish to solo around other climbing parties.

2. Stickers and ethics are an odd pairing, maybe sticker etiquette would be closer to the mark.

3. That was a completely fucked up way to greet you. I don't even solo, but I still don't usually like to look at stickers about falling right before I'm getting ready to lead a pitch.

4. It's rude to pull up to the parking lot a mile and a half from the base of a route where another party is smoking a cigarette before hiking and racking up, and begin hurriedly hiking without saying something to the first party.

5. Clean air is a big part of the mountain, outdoor experience. My sinuses get really irritated and clog from cigarette smoke. At the crag it could be 5-10 feet away. The vaping and weed smoke don't bother my sinuses so much. I've read that vaping smoke has the same chemicals as cigarette smoke, however... the flavored aroma isn't as harsh? I'd much rather you do something illegal in a public space than something legal.

6. Not to hijack this thread- but is anyone climbing in the front range this Wed?

Sean Peter wrote:1. 6. Not to hijack this thread- but is anyone climbing in the front range this Wed?