satirical musings about eastern climbers

-You're concerned Eldo climbers are getting too soft with bolt placements. "Two holes on that route now?! If it were my crag.." Despite never having been to Colorado.

-you've reached a level of fear of yuppies with guns retrobolting [name a crag 6 hours from you that is definitely "yours"] approximately equivalent to how my grandparents feel about the Obama administration after watching Fox News for the past 640 hours straight

Of course you don't need meatball subs for gym climbing..BUT for the deep woods exploration, a nice italian (hots of course) and extra oil is perfect !

You cluster 5 RP's together behind a tiny flake and say "it hasn't ripped so far"

And of course you know people who have been climbing for FIFTY YEARS !!!

Wears 5.10 guide tennies to the gym, coffee shop, car dealership, church on Sunday...

Score me out of all those..don't do any of them and don't wear 5.10 shit

Now..sandals in snow storms.................

john strand wrote:You go to the "PACKY" before and after climbing...

DUDE, I know some wicked good packy's..they are pissa!

Russ Keane wrote:"You have worn crampons to do a steep , leaf covered approach" hahahahaha nice one John! Laughed out loud. That is so great. That is so New Hampshire right there.

I'm serious ! We put on 'pons to get to the upper tier of Hart's ledge in Crawford Notch. I'm pretty sure we also fixed a rope to bring up the gear.

Your an east coast climber when wire brushes are not enough...you gotta have wire push brooms !

john strand wrote:you gotta have wire push brooms !

WESTSIDE!!!!!!!!

Chimnet brush isn't enough...broomm all the way

On Clean Sweep, we used up 2

When you sweep the snow off the top of a cliff so it doesn't seep down onto a good rock route.

christoph benells wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P31nhHASUzY you lead "waterfall Rappelling" trips and think you're a legitimate mountain guide. nemountaineering.com/rappel…

Every bouldering location is HP40 quality... if it wasn't damp 355 days of the year and there wasn't 300 lbs of lichen, elephant ear and moss growing on every possible line. But seriously the rock is amazing!

Every boulder or chossy cliff you stumble across is a brand new problem/route and an instant classic when recounting the "new find" to other climbers

You know of the most phenomenal secret climbing spots, but can't tell anyone where they are because of land ownership issues

North East sandstone is just as good if not better than anything the West has to offer, heck the world for that matter.

Climbing in blaze orange is completely acceptable and sometimes encouraged and has nothing to do with fashion trends.

20 mediocre boulder problems = lots of quality climbing when talking about it.

Eric Chabot wrote:A climb isn't complete if it doesn't go to the top of the cliff (walk off descent is mandatory)

frank minunni wrote:When you sweep the snow off the top of a cliff so it doesn't seep down onto a good rock route.

Maybe it's because I'm in Maryland or maybe it's because I haven't been climbing enough to become that much of a tool, but very few if any of these apply to me. Though, I have seen it first hand enough times to believe it. No worries though, I'll get there soon enough.

Define "Upstate" an area in the southern half of said state.

Luc wrote:Define "Upstate" an area in the southern half of said state.

Let's not forget about downstate. In Keene it's anywhere south of Albany.

The first time I heard the word "downstater" I LOL!