satirical musings about eastern climbers

Your warm-up routine starts in Dunkin Donuts.

You say with all seriousness things like: "If these [8 foot] boulders were in [name a world class bouldering destination] people would be lining up for days." "If this were only [1000] feet longer it would be classic."

You regard NH cops as an genuine objective hazard.

You've been training for something bigger for 15 years.

A 15 foot boulder is a wicked highball.

You've actually climbed in Maine. (Acadia doesn't count.)

Farley counts as a trip out west.

You are definitely going to visit the Dacks this year. Or next. Probably.

(All of the above genuinely describe myself)

jim.dangle wrote:Your warm-up routine starts in Dunkin Donuts. You say with all seriousness things like: "If these [8 foot] boulders were in [name a world class bouldering destination] people would be lining up for days." "If this were only [1000] feet longer it would be classic." You regard NH cops as an genuine objective hazard. You've been training for something bigger for 15 years. A 15 foot boulder is a wicked highball. You've actually climbed in Maine. (Acadia doesn't count.) Farley counts as a trip out west. You are definitely going to visit the Dacks this year. Or next. Probably. (All of the above genuinely described myself)

Oh my god. Hahaha. This is hilarious

"Wait, there's good climbing in North Carolina?"

Your winter climbing season consists solely of complaining about crag dogs.

Trad climber arguing the point that atc's gives a softer catch than a grigri

claims to be a trad climber, hates sport climbing and bouldering, topropes 99 out of 100 pitches

Thinking that 200 feet of static rope and 30 lockers are essential for a day of climbing in CT.

Brooklyn Lisa wrote:Trad climber arguing the point that atc's gives a softer catch than a grigri

Alissa Doherty wrote:* You regard any 5.11 roof out West to be Gunks 5.8.

Tim Lutz wrote:was a 'sport rappeler' but after 2 months in the climbing gym and a MP account, is now an authority on most things

• *edit** Here's one: You have commented on Erik Sloan but have never been to Yosemite.

DavisMeschke wrote:Climbing in the White Mountains and calling it "alpine"

You've never bought anything but a Subaru.

You truly believe your Subaru's all wheel drive is as good as truck.

Matt Stroebel wrote:You've never bought anything but a Subaru. You truly believe your Subaru's all wheel drive is as good as truck.

USBRIT wrote: Much colder (and windier) on Mt Washington than any "alpine" I have experienced

You go to the "PACKY" before and after climbing..during so as well, if it's close.

Getting defensive about the reputations of the mountains in the north east.

What he said^

I'm don't consider a peak that tops out at 6,288 ft an alpine excursion! But Easterners gotta take what they can get...

At the Gunks this would only be a....

tricams and cowbells