satirical musings about eastern climbers

Preface:

This is purely to be taken as humor and not meant to be derogatory or to start an east vs. west climber battle.

Also, I myself may be called an "eastern climber" since I am living and climbing in Maine/New Hampshire for the next 6 months.

- Wearing climbing helmet right from the car, even though it's a 1/2 mile hike to the base of the climb. Also fully harnessed and racked up for the hike in.

- Lots of fancy gear that is way overkill for the day planned, except for the backpack, which is usually a mid-90's EMS 70 liter pack. Also pack is only 1/4 full since all the gear is already being worn.

- Undying love for nepal evo's, even more than Shasta mountain guides.

BUT, 1 thing I have found, way less spray coming from eastern climbers. Most definitely some silent crushers out here.

Add some stereotypical eastern climberisms if you've got them!

When people silently watch you get sketched on a baked out ice route. After bailing bystanders casually comment "ya, everything here is rotten."

This could be a good thread.

My favorite - being told that a multi-pitch climb is "reasonably" protected, only to realize in the middle of a pitch that this means one old bolt and no gear placements over it's entire 150ft length.

I've also struck up conversations with people that I would never peg as a climber only to find out that they put up the first ascent of half of the classic routes on the cliff, on lead, with a hand drill.

... trying to face climb, edge, and twist into nonexistent stances up every climb at Indian Creek.

Showing up to the crag and bitching about the number of Mass plates in the parking lot, not realizing that they're part of the problem too.

Telling everyone they meet out West that the Fall is better/ice is better/snow is icier/conditions are character building, etc. but still flying out West multiple times a year.

I'm guilty of both of these.

... moving to Boulder.

^

Speculating on when the 3rd edition of the Rumney Guidebook is coming out.

j/k Ward we love you!

An eastern climber comes back from Red Rocks thinking he is a badass hardman only to get spanked on a Gunks 5.9.

When your Ben's 100 DEET is the most important piece of pro on your rack...

Taking seven hours to climb and rap a two-pitch 5.3 at Seneca, which is one of three annual rock climbing "trips," for which they purchase an entire half rack of brand new gear every year or so .

Insisting that hexes and tricams are essential components of a starter trad rack.

Bringing six children, four dogs, three hammocks, two camp chairs, and a cheese platter for a day at the Gunks.

A.wilk wrote: a cheese platter

LOL. +1

hahaha following

and 2 babies.

christoph benells wrote: Wearing climbing helmet right from the car, even though it's a 1/2 mile hike to the base of the climb. Also fully harnessed and racked up for the hike in.

this is also a big Mormon thing in Utah

-moving to Boulder, covered already

-only using double ropes

-always backing up the rap

-spending more time setting up topropes than it would take to lead the climb

-lots of shiny new gear

-claiming to be TRAD while spending most of the time on a rope in the gym

15 year old misty mountain harness

climbing next to Amish kids who don't know what they're doing

Climbing in the White Mountains and calling it "alpine"

I'm really enjoying this thread, and I have about ZERO knowledge of the eastern jokes/stereotypes. Keep up the good work.

DavisMeschke wrote:Climbing in the White Mountains and calling it "alpine"

+1