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My climbing partner?

Original Post
Travis Dustin · · Mexico Maine · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 1,665

So the last time I went sport climbing with him he stopped climbing after reaching the crux on a 5.7 route. He wouldn't even try to make the moves. He wont climb if there are other people around either. He kept saying "ohh its not my style I like more alpine easy trad routes." So i'm like ok whatever I have someone else to sport climb with. After a few months I was planning a 5.5 multi pitch adventure on some slabs. So I show Him the info and the plan he he is all psyched and totally into it. So we get out there a true adventure getting there since there is no real trail and it took us 2 hours to get to the slabs and you cant see anyone around, Perfect! We climb one pitch and its apparent hes struggling up the first pitch. He gets to the belay and I ask if everything is good and it all checks out but he looks very uncomfortable on the nice big belay ledge. Either way I head up the second pitch and after if set up the anchors he tells me He cant go on. So after a 2.5 hour drive and a 2 hour approach he bails after one pitch! On the long drive home he tells me next time he will be able to do it along with a myriad of excuses why he couldnt. So MP whats his deal? Should I just call it quits on him?

Sarah K · · Boulder, CO · Joined May 2009 · Points: 80

Seems like he wants to climb but doesn't have his head in it. People get scared sometimes. If you care about helping him grow, and he wants to as well, put the time in and help him. If you care more about getting the routes done, then you may be just frustrated and annoyed if you keep climbing with him and he bails; ultimately the situation may end up ruining your friendship.

FrankPS · · Atascadero, CA · Joined Nov 2009 · Points: 276

Travis,

Have you told him outright that if he continues to bail on you, your plans and your time, that you will stop climbing with him? Does he even acknowledge/apologize that he is robbing you of your time and plans?

I realize finding climbing partners can be difficult, but it sounds like this partner is unreliable. The occasional "I'm not feeling it" can happen, but after a long drive and approach hike, that doesn't get it.

bearbreeder · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Mar 2009 · Points: 3,065

1. talk with your partner FIRST rather than posting it on an intraweb forum

2. dont climb with people who hold you back ... unless they are REALLY hot chicks ... im not saying dont climb with people who dont climb as hard as you, but on multi you NEED to be able to do the climb

its that simple

;)

GMBurns · · The Fucking Moon, man, the… · Joined Jul 2008 · Points: 470

I'd bail on him, or at the very least not do anything with him that has time constraints. At the least he's afraid; at the most he's not into climbing. Both are OK, but not for climbing partnerships.

Depends on how much work you want to put into it.

Chase Leoncini · · San Diego, CA · Joined Aug 2012 · Points: 297

In my search to find a perfect climbing partner (roughly 10 different people), i have found that most only climb for the following reasons:
1: To attract women. (sad but true)
2: To get into shape.
3: ...A variation of the above
EDIT: 4: And of course the seemingly, one diamond in the rough, the one who just loves it.

He may just like to tell everyone he climbs to appear fearless. Which is weak. And doesnt make much sense.
Also, he clearly doesn't do it often if he is nervous at a large belay ledge.

Im not going to type much more cuz of kind of tired this morn but i have seen the type, and he will most likely flake on you quite a bit or continue to stop you from summiting.

Sounds like a great hiking partner tho.

My advice would be to keep him around as a hiking bud, dont burn bridges as they say but start looking for a new partner. Youll meet most passionate climbers climbing near the local crag.

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520

Chase, really? There are poser men out there climbing just for the women? Bwa ha ha ha. How's that working out for you, dudes? I need to hear some stories about this.

Not to hijack this thread, but OP just look for other climbing partners until you find someone you want to spend the majority of your time with. It's perfectly fine to do that.

Kenan · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2010 · Points: 1,237
bearbreeder wrote:2. dont climb with people who hold you back ... unless they are REALLY hot chicks ...
LOL! Great advice!!!!
Travis Dustin · · Mexico Maine · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 1,665

I have talked to him about it before this trip. Thats why we dont sport climb together anymore but he said he was into this and I proposed the trip with as much info as I could maps,pics and other beta and asked for total commitment. Its funny because he was a very strong confident climber. We've done much harder climbs together and hes done some impressive stuff with others when he was younger. He was also the one who got me on rock for the first time many years ago.

Travis Dustin · · Mexico Maine · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 1,665
bearbreeder wrote:2. dont climb with people who hold you back ... unless they are REALLY hot chicks ... ;)
Chase Leoncini · · San Diego, CA · Joined Aug 2012 · Points: 297

Yes Stitch, its rediculous.
I had a guy come out with me who, "just took his lead class in the gym and is sending 5.10-11.'s indoor."
I asked him to come out.
After a bit of talking he said he prefered trad leading.
.... hmmm.... okay?

1: He tied himself in wrong.
2: He belayed wrong.
3: He had horribly rusted gear from the 80's as well as ratty slings and harness.
4: He didnt know what cams or a trad rack even was.
5: He tried to do a sliding x to 1.... 1!!!! bolt.

He asked me multiple times if ever climbed with any girls, i said yea my girlfriend and my friends girlfriends. He would reply "oh," with a bummed look on his face. And when i mentioned that i was,"climbing with robert, susie, and travis tomorrow he said,"oh whos susie!?"
"...roberts girlfriend."
"..oh."

Never heard from him again.

This is just one story. There have been many more.

bearbreeder · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Mar 2009 · Points: 3,065
Travis Dustin wrote:I have talked to him about it before this trip. Thats why we dont sport climb together anymore but he said he was into this and I proposed the trip with as much info as I could maps,pics and other beta and asked for total commitment. Its funny because he was a very strong confident climber. We've done much harder climbs together and hes done some impressive stuff with others when he was younger. He was also the one who got me on rock for the first time many years ago.
if a person doesnt constantly lead climb they often have issues with leading and fear ... i know many a person who thinks theyll be able to lead this or that multi, dont practice leading constantly .. and start freaking out when faced with the sharp end ...

which is why i dont climb with people who arent willing to lead ... unless shes REAL cute ;)

ironically many people as they get older, get more fearful ... durty ole men should be bold as hell, i mean what have you got to lose??? ... time spent in a retirement home??? ... young people should be fearful as they have their entire lives in front of em =P
Eric Engberg · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2009 · Points: 0
bearbreeder wrote:1. talk with your partner FIRST rather than posting it on an intraweb forum
End of story - all that needs to be said
rging · · Salt Lake City, Ut · Joined Jul 2011 · Points: 210

I believe any jury in the country would aquit you had you cut the rope.

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520
ChaseLeoncini wrote:...He asked me multiple times if ever climbed with any girls, i said yea my girlfriend and my friends girlfriends. He would reply "oh," with a bummed look on his face. ...
Robert Fogle · · Juneau, AK · Joined Mar 2012 · Points: 35

Its called free solo, make friends with it...

John Keller · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Aug 2001 · Points: 5

Hard to call somebody a 'climbing' partner who actually doesn't want or like to climb.

sherb · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2012 · Points: 60
Yes, I am long-winded and like to hear myself type!

Maybe your problem is ... you climb w/ that toddler! but, I see your tick, "A bit short" (no kidding) "Led 2 pitches and had to bail."

It's sad that the guy who introduced you to climbing has regressed so much, mentally. I've seen it happen. Back when I was 16 this 19 yr old would drive everywhere, and I was impressed. 10 years later he would have panic attacks and not be able to drive at all.

I think that guy had no excuse, and there will be no "next time." If you want to take ONE more chance on this guy, next time bring a 3rd person. Yes, it is slower if everyone ends up climbing, but you won't be SOL for belays if he wimps out. It sounds like you were leading all the pitches so I don't know why he wimped out. Maybe he is embarrassed you are newer to climbing than him, yet you are doing all the leading.

If it was really a matter of ability, you could just haul his lazy ass up by setting up a pulley, and at least have his deadweight for the belay.

I would feel really guilty if I did this to someone. My one girl friend I climb with is a slightly stronger climber than me. We decided to go to Potrero, and I admit before getting there I was nervous because she likes to push the grade. We are a great climbing partnership, because she provides the muscle for the harder leads, and I am kind of the know-it-all (hard to believe, I know) for safety and procedures, setting up the belays, rappels. It was nice of Travis to accomodate his partner, but knowing her pushing the grade tendencies motivated me to train harder before the trip, and I got better! I didn't want to limit her climbing, because as mentioned above, on multi-pitch both partners have to climb every pitch. But because I didn't have to lead every pitch, I reassured myself that I was at least capable of toproping anything she could lead, and we agreed beforehand she would lead the harder pitches. That helped.

I think your climbing partner needs to get on a training program. Maybe you can train w/ him at the gym.

It's really important to have a good regular climbing partner to improve and keep the motivation. I have a pretty good regular local climbing partner.. we're at about the same ability and experience level, and work the same projects, and are learning together. We are also both similarly motivated, with a similar work schedule, and go to the gym together as well as the RRG. He has a GF so when I go on climbing trips other than the RRG, I go w/ my girl friend who lives far from me but is just as motivated (and harder-working) so it works out.

bearbreeder wrote: 2. dont climb with people who hold you back ... unless they are REALLY hot chicks ...
Stich, first I love the sour look on that person, and second, I am glad other people have noticed this problem as well.

I was out climbing this past Memorial Day weekend, and noticed a lot of guys would be climbing w/ large groups of non-climbing (not even n00bs!) girls. As one group passed by, this guy was explaning what trad was to a girl, and she asked, "Does someone belay when you do trad as well?" One of my party said to me after they passed, "I don't do trad, but even I know someone has to belay." I'm like "no shit!" ... one of my pet peeves is people climbing w/ clueless people to impress them.

I guess we all have reasons for climbing and there is no right reason, but I think people should climb because they love touching the rock, pushing themselves, the feeling of getting higher and the movements, the thought it takes to unlock different moves for a route, or clever protection placement. Not because they want to showboat. Ok, showboating is ok after a tough route, but leave the harem at home.

We kept noticing guys setting up topropes on easy grades for girl groups (taking up several routes) and I would say these guys were wasting their time (not challenging themselves), if not risking their life like that 30-foot go-pro groundfall guy by having the cute clueless belayer (I finally understand why everyone was upset at him, for the bulk of the thread I was upset at her for dropping him) - the girls were ok, nothing I would risk my life for, but then again, I'm not into girls. And, many times this weekend a single guy would walk past with 3-4 girls in tow.

One of my party asked why this was. I replied, because guys are intimidated by girls who actually do climb, these girls don't actually climb, in the non-climbing world they go round up these non-climbing girls saying they are a climber (I guess that sounds daring, outdoorsy, adventurous), and encourage the girls to come out... and the girls get impressed by whatever the guy leads even if the guy is a weak climber. He understood then, "Oh, I get it. The guy does a 5.9 lead and the girls are like 'oooohhh wowwww, you are sooo awesome...'" (Let me take you to my tent later) LOL I guess he sees the light.. and won't be climbing with me anymore! Next time I see him he'll probably have a group of non-climbing girls w/ him.

I hope no one here is guilty of this :D or maybe i'm just jealous and catty???
Ben Brotelho · · Albany, NY · Joined May 2011 · Points: 520
Stich wrote:
Stich what is the story behind that terribly abused SLR?
Ben Brotelho · · Albany, NY · Joined May 2011 · Points: 520

and why does that douchy looking kid seem so nonchalant about such a tragic event?

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520
Ben Brotelho wrote: Stich what is the story behind that terribly abused SLR?
I have no idea, it's just an image of a dude that is disappointed.
Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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