Mountain Project Logo

Dumb things other climbers have said

Casey in SLC · · SLC, UT · Joined Jun 2012 · Points: 0

I was coming out of the woods after a day of bouldering at the Grand Wall boulders in Squamish. My buddy and I both had crashpads on our backs as we were coming out to the parking lot. Some tourists were standing around the parking lot watching people climb the routes on The Chief. One of the guys in the parking lot starts asking me about the pads.

Tourist: "what are those things on your back for?"

Me: "Oh, we were just climbing in there," point back towards the forest. "And we use these to land on."

Tourist: (looking rather shocked) "You mean you don't use ropes at all?"

At this point my buddy realizes what the tourist is getting at and comes over to have some fun.

My friend: "That's why we have two people. So that if you get high up the person below you can move the pad to make sure you land on it."

We thought this was hilarious until, I shit you not, his wife came over and started to lecture us about how tragic it would be for our parents if we were to fall and die. She finally relented after my friend told her that she was probably right and we would think long and hard about our life choices.

Also on the same trip I made the mistake of saying, "why do they call it Hulkster's Humpfest?"

ian watson · · Sandia park, NM · Joined Apr 2010 · Points: 235
Scott McMahon wrote: haha I've always been amused by that...people climbing in the gym with draws on their harness, two belay devices, bail gear etc. I get not wanting to take stuff off your harness (I guess), but um...yeah.
If I gym climb (rare), I will have rap rings and Prussiks. You see Bob its not that im lazy its just that I dont care.
Graham S · · Riverside, CA · Joined Apr 2010 · Points: 15
ian watson wrote: If I gym climb (rare), I will have rap rings and Prussiks. You see Bob its not that im lazy its just that I dont care.
hahahahahaha perfect... great movie...

think of that gear on your harness as flair. the minimum required amount of flair at the climbing gym is 15. now you see that guy over there with a full set of quick draws, bail slings, a nut tool, an ascender, a gri gri, an ATC, and a half a dozen runners around his shoulder? that's over 37 pieces of flair...
Jeff Chrisler · · Boulder, CO · Joined Jun 2009 · Points: 145
Casey in SLC wrote:"You mean you don't use ropes at all?" At this point my buddy realizes what the tourist is getting at and comes over to have some fun. My friend: "That's why we have two people. So that if you get high up the person below you can move the pad to make sure you land on it." We thought this was hilarious until, I shit you not, his wife came over and started to lecture us about how tragic it would be for our parents if we were to fall and die. She finally relented after my friend told her that she was probably right and we would think long and hard about our life choices. Also on the same trip I made the mistake of saying, "why do they call it Hulkster's Humpfest?"
If you and your buddy can only think of this to say when the common crash pad question is asked, I worry about you. Perhaps watching some Monty Python will help your humor.

Common responses I enjoy utilizing:
1. We are moose wranglers. This 'hear contraption is a moose saddle. Giddy up.
2. We just make sure these are affixed to our backs so if we fall, we'll have a nice padded fall onto the pad instead of breaking our backs.
3. This is a mattress. Me and my buddy [insert male name here] and headed out to a nice spot in the woods to hump.
4. After a nice hike, we enjoy a nice nap. It's about siesta time.
RockyMtnTed · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2012 · Points: 0
Jeff Chrisler wrote: If you and your buddy can only think of this to say when the common crash pad question is asked, I worry about you. Perhaps watching some Monty Python will help your humor. Common responses I enjoy utilizing: 1. We are moose wranglers. This 'hear contraption is a moose saddle. Giddy up. 2. We just make sure these are affixed to our backs so if we fall, we'll have a nice padded fall onto the pad instead of breaking our backs. 3. This is a mattress. Me and my buddy [insert male name here] and headed out to a nice spot in the woods to hump. 4. After a nice hike, we enjoy a nice nap. It's about siesta time.
How about coming up with some of your own? Those have all been posted multiple times on mountain project and I know they didnt come from you so why give this guy a hard time about his lack of creativity?
Scott McMahon · · Boulder, CO · Joined Feb 2006 · Points: 1,425
Graham S wrote: hahahahahaha perfect... great movie... think of that gear on your harness as flair. the minimum required amount of flair at the climbing gym is 15. now you see that guy over there with a full set of quick draws, bail slings, a nut tool, an ascender, a gri gri, an ATC, and a half a dozen runners around his shoulder? that's over 37 pieces of flair...
Graham...we need to talk about your flair.
Steve M · · MN · Joined Aug 2011 · Points: 100

By me on the way out of Nipigon ONT to go ice climbing after seeing the -40 temp at the truck stop: "Let's climb anyway."

blind cantaloupe · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Oct 2010 · Points: 430

I teach indoor climbing for a living. We regularly instruct military groups recently returning from deployment in an effort to introduce them to a fun, physically demanding activity. Ill just go with the most common quote i hear while correcting belay technique (btw, we have fixed carabiners to the ends of the rope with a gri fixed on the belayers side in order to expedite the process given our client base. finding unlocked carabiners is common practice)
me- climber, downclimb
climber downclimbs from 15' or so
me- did you guys do your double checks?
climber(with open carabiner)- yeah
belayer(with open carabiner)- yeah
me- well both of your carabiners are open......
me- did you check his belay technique?
climber- i trust him
me- trust is not knowledge

Tony T · · Denver, CO · Joined Jul 2009 · Points: 45

"Hey, throw me my crampons!" or "Hey, throw me my tools!" Just kidding.

shain picard · · Powell, Ohio · Joined Jun 2012 · Points: 125
zenetopia · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2012 · Points: 15

At the Challenge Buttress in SLC for a quick burn after work, the group next to us... Man goes through a quick run down of how to lead belay with the woman he was with and started climbing quickly, skipping placements and running it out. We continue with our climbing, trying not to pay attention... Man finishes the climb and sets the anchor:
"Ok, (insert woman's name here), you got me?"
"Um..." she stutters... "I don't know."
Needless to say, this got our attention. We look over, and the rope is a tangled snake-mess around her legs and body, and somehow (how!?), we see that the man wasn't on belay the entire time. We had to run over there and re-thread her ATC and belay off of her, for her....

'I DON'T KNOW' - the most dangerous phrase in our reality...

David Bruneau · · St. John · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 2,520

"Hey, uhh, when you lead ice, do you need to use a static rope?"

I was asked this at the gym a while back by someone who was looking at getting into ice climbing.

mr. mango · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 105

I was talking to a kid today and the topic of rock climbing came up. I asked him if he prefered to climb sport or trad and he said both. Obviously he didn't know what I was talking about. I asked him how many cams he owned and he replied with: Camps? And I said no CAMS. And he said oooohhh I thought you said camps. One. I told him he must be pretty brave to trad climb with one cam.

Tom-onator · · trollfreesociety · Joined Feb 2010 · Points: 790

Overhead at Cactus Cliff:
"I gotta hang up now, l'm on belay."
-As the leader clips the 2nd bolt from the ground!

"You're a climber? Do you pound in those Tetons?
-Coworker's response to where the chunk of rope I was using to haul tools up to the roof came from.

Jeremy Hand · · Northern VA · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 100

We were trying to make a FA at a very popular boulderfield located right on the edge of a golf course when an elderly, married couple walked by and asked us, "Do you have the book that tells you how to climb that rock??"

johnva · · ALEXANDRIA · Joined Mar 2011 · Points: 5

I onsighted the climb except for the crux

After dropping the climber the last ten feet in a gym "I had to let go because the rope got hot", climber immediately starts next climb. I guess the answer was satisfactory.

LindsayTroy · · Unknown Hometown · Joined May 2013 · Points: 0

I have some great ones:

Overheard at Muir valley:
"If I hadn't fallen I would have onsighted that"

At the gym (apparently someone trying to hit on me):
Guy: "I'm a trad climber, I bet you don't know what that is"
Me: "I've been trad climbing for years, what do you climb?"
Guy: (proudly) "5.8, you?"
Me: "My hardest send was a 10b"
Guy: (awkwardly) "oh..."

The Countess of Monterey · · Unknown Hometown · Joined May 2013 · Points: 15

Overheard in bouldering cave: " man, what ya doing tonight?" "crying...probably"
"yo, so you wanna toprope?" " nah, I just burned out on the last six moves"
I think it is hillarious!

Chris Price · · Columbus, OH · Joined Oct 2012 · Points: 20

I once heard someone tell another climber that he took a huge whipper... in the gym... on top rope!

Superclimber · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Mar 2009 · Points: 1,310

"Can I have the remote?"

-my girlfriend

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

General Climbing
Post a Reply to "Dumb things other climbers have said"

Log In to Reply

Join the Community

Create your FREE account today!
Already have an account? Login to close this notice.

Get Started.