Easy trad climbs around Denver that could be classified as "badass" or "big fat Oprah ti**ies."

Moving to Denver at the end of the week and was wondering where the most choice of the choice easy trad climbs are located. I have a ride and I've been climbing roped for about a year and have lead a handful of trad climbs, so i'm looking for stuff that is fairly close (2 hours or so) and that I wont die on or make me hate life. Not yet, anyway...

And any suggestions on good guidebooks for the area? Locations where hookers/call girls hang out would be very valuable, as well. And what's Colorado's stance on carrying concealed?? I roll strapped, even when I climb. I attach my hog leg to the tag line in case I need to bust a cap in an eagle or falcon while I romance the stone- birds carry diseases, you know... that being said, I also have an eagle feather headdress with peregrine falcon feather highlights for sale. Hand made! Only $500!!

And if you live in the Denver area, climb, aren't super creepy, like beer, and long walks/stumblings down Colfax, we should hang out. Or at least talk about hanging out so I can be entertained until finding someone with whom I can actually hang out.

Thanks a bunch!

M.

Lemme get this straight-you wanna know where the hookers are;but you know about Colfax. You climb with a piece? How's that workin' out for ya? All the guidebooks are good. Bob D's for Boulder Canyon, mistakes and omissions notwithstanding..Steve's book on Eldo is the model for how a guidebook should be.

@Joe: they all know me on Colfax, and the local Sex Workers Union, chapter 309, "blue balled" me... that is sex worker speak for "black balled." So I need to find a new spot for company. Greenwood Village, maybe????

And yes... you don't climb with a piece?? Charles Barkley takes his on airplanes... I can take mine to the crag or little league game. It works great- I've already sold two headdresses and feather capes! If its not on the tag line, I wear it in a chest holster, right over my tat of Chuck Heston, so its within easy reach in case of eagle attack or attempted kidnapping or something, but out of the way of my harness and double fanny pack hydration/entertainment/personal hygiene system. I always take an extra camo hat with me, too, because "you can't track a tracker," if you know what I mean.

Thanks a bunch for the intel!

Ok, I've got to call troll on this one!

What's legitimate: anything in the post not about hookers or guns.

So there's some quality stuff in there, you just have to dig for it.

So let me get this straight. "big fat Oprah ti**ties" = "badass?"

Have you seen Oprah lately?

Stich wrote:So let me get this straight. "big fat Oprah ti**ties" = "badass?" Have you seen Oprah lately?

Have you seen Oprah's ti**ties?? Could you grow a set like that? Doubtful. So, in my book, they're pretty badass. I don't remember saying they were attractive.

She's an icon, for Christ's sake!!!!!

Mark Vincent wrote: Locations where hookers/call girls hang out would be very valuable, as well. I attach my hog leg to the tag line in case I need to bust a cap in an eagle or falcon while I romance the stone- birds carry diseases, you know...I also have an eagle feather headdress with peregrine falcon feather highlights for sale. Hand made! Only $500!! M.

I actually laughed out loud. Troll, yes. Funny, yes.

Dont feed the troll. Dont feed the troll dont feed the troll

Joe Huggins wrote:Lob D's for Boulder Canyon, mistakes and omissions notwithstanding..Steve's book on Eldo is the model for how a guidebook should be.

Nothing against Bob D's or Steve L's books, but especially for easy trad (and hard trad), I'll give a shout out to Richard Rossiter's books--his topos set a standard that may never be surpassed now that color photos are used (and in some ways the topos are better).

Is that you Mark Vincent ?

Damn, did I get a good laugh after pressing the search button that time!

Leeroy wrote:Is that you Mark Vincent ? Damn, did I get a good laugh after pressing the search button that time!

Yessir, Leeroy! Now that post you found would be "trolling." This one was simply me having some questions about falconry and guide books. Would I ever try to piss people off or get them agitated, so they say wild shit?? Absolutely not!

@pfwein: thanks for the info, dude. I will look for the Rossiter tome. I like the topos more than the color photos, as well. Photos just seem really vague and they don't do a goddamn thing for me.

@leeroy: Box Cutttttttter!!!!!

@Everyone: so, if youre obviously bullshitting because it's funny or entertaining, this is "trolling?" Seriously... who the f*** shoots eagles while climbing??? If you took any of that seriously, you're a f***ing idiot. And that being said, there were legitimate questions/requests for beta in the post. Im Rupert Murdoch- you lemmings eat my sensationalism, every time.

How 'bout Lumpy Ridge? Kor's Flake is an area classic and a hell of a lot of fun. At least as cool as Melissa McCarthy's titties and kind of close to Denver. There are also some areas where Perengrine Falcon's are known to nest; you might be able to pick a couple off if your aim is as good as your wit.

E Wydeven wrote:How 'bout Lumpy Ridge? Kor's Flake is an area classic and a hell of a lot of fun. At least as cool as Melissa McCarthy's titties and kind of close to Denver. There are also some areas where Perengrine Falcon's are known to nest; you might be able to pick a couple off if your aim is as good as your wit.

Thanks for the locales, dude. And i'm sorry to say I've decided to give up taking a piece to the crag, since it is obviously a touchy subject... From now on, in the event of raptor attack, I will either use the Counter Assault bear spray I keep in the double fanny system, or the crossbow I keep in my crag bag to shoot the rope from the ground, up through the TR anchors. Either could be used to down an aggressive falcon. So I'm still going to sleep easy...

And I give Miss McCarthy's an 18 on a scale of 1 to 10. They're beacons of hope in a cold, dark fog.

I thought your post was funny, Mark! People need to loosen up a bit... From my limited experience in the Front Range, I thought Rewritten and Bastille in Eldo, and Melvin's Wheel and Pear Buttress in Lumpy were the tits. BTW, I just recently found out that the skiers' "tits" term is not very common among climbers.

doligo wrote:I thought your post was funny, Mark! People need to loosen up a bit... From my limited experience in the Front Range, I thought Rewritten and Bastille in Eldo, and Melvin's Wheel and Pear Buttress in Lumpy were the tits. BTW, I just recently found out that the skiers' "tits" term is not very common among climbers.

I just found that out, too! About 12 hours ago, actually. Ha! And it might just be me, but I think using the term "tits" or "titties" or "indigenous nudity" to denote a certain level of cool should be universal!

And many thanks for the intel!

That funny, I thought everyone used tits to describe some level of awesomeness.

"that's tits"
"that the tits"
or my personal favorite

"sweet fucking titties"

apologies, I simply couldn't get the vision-inspired title out of my head on my last climb. It's like that justin bibler guy singing, or shooting an eagle while climbing, I mean I grabbed my gun instead of a #3, great shot

@Scott: I thought that, too! Even my mom knows what's up when I say, "Mom, these egg rolls are f***in' tits!!!!"

@Buff: the only thing more Burt Reynolds than shooting an aggressive eagle whilst hanging from a hand jam is shooting an aggressive Bieber whilst hanging from a hand jam. Any time I have to cap a Bieber, I unload, then scream, "Chilling by the fire while we eatin' fondue, beeeeitch!!" And yes, those are Biebers, lyrics. He's a genius.