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GLOSSARY OF DR. PITON-ISMS



Agape - pronounced "ah-GAP-pay" - the highest form of love. Forgiving and unconditional, volitional as well as emotional, a choice or decision. Agape is what you do for someone when you don't feel like loving them

Assisted Belay - belayed by one's partner, the lead rope moves upward through the protection as the leader climbs

Babe-O-Licious - [in reference to a Hottie] - see Shagadelic

Bail - to fail or retreat [from a big wall]

Bailmaster - one who specializes in Bailing. Frequently found in El Cap Meadows gazing longingly upwards, a Bailmaster can provide you with every excuse you might ever need for failing to climb a big wall. The creativity of a Bailmaster is unparalled, except perhaps by that of a BWT

Balls - gonads [ovaries in reference to Hotties] - possession of same allows you to face down your fears. Fundamental equipment when climbing big walls

Beauty - Hoser for Bitchin'

BBB - Bitchin' Beyond Belief, in reference to a Hottie who is ETS

Bee-YUTEY! - see Beauty

Better Way - Dr. Piton's methods for big wall climbing. Dr. Piton does not purport to teach the "Best Way" or the "Only Way" - the Better Way is what works best for you. Remember that Dr. Piton Technology is like a smorgassbord - put what you like on your plate, and leave the rest behind in the bowls

Big Wall Anything - an Anything with a clip-in loop added [e.g. big wall wine bottle, big wall microwave oven]

Big Wall Binder - a three-ring binder full of Dr. Piton posts and articles which have been scarfed off of this website, equipped with a clip-in loop for on-the-wall consultation, part of your Personal Rack. If you do not want the photos in your Big Wall Binder, then copy and paste the posts into a Word document, delete the photos, and print what's left

Big Wall Crab - a climbing crustacean who specializes in solo ascents of El Cap

Bitchin' - swell, excellent, of the highest quality

Body Hoist - see Yvette Ratchet

Bold Text - a former Dr. Piton hallmark, an addiction for which the Doc is in therapy

BSEG - big shit-eating grin

Buddy - Generic Canuck for "that dude" [e.g. "Check out Buddy over there on the wall..."]

BWG - Big Wall Gumby, a climber whose Wank Factor frequently spirals out of control, yet who somehow, some way, has managed by fair means to reach the summit of at least one big wall. Dr. Piton's current status as a big wall climber

BWT - Big Wall Theorist - a climber with little aid or big wall climbing experience who purports to know much. BWT's are frequently found at the base of walls or in parking lots where they can be heard blaming their partner for their latest wall climbing failure while refusing to acknowledge their own culpability. Perhaps the answer, they say, is to try a harder wall next time - solo. Internet forums are littered with BWT's, but by definition, you will never find a BWT on the summit

Carpe Swinem! - The Call of the Pig

Changeover Time - from coffee to beer, occurs earlier on weekends

Chongo - Charles [Chuck] V. Tucker - Dr. Piton's Wall Doctor, eccentric Yosemite guru whose unique combination of brilliance and indolence has resulted in some of the greatest big wall innovations ever. Author of The Complete Book of Big Wall Climbing, a six-hundred page tome edited by Dr. Piton himself, a book which is curiously difficult to obtain, and whose very existence has actually been denied by detractors!

Clusterfuck - a high level of Entropy, what you get when your Wank Factor spirals out of control

Co-efficient Of Wank - that unitless number, which when multiplied by the total amount of time spent on a particular task, equals the amount of time lost to unproductive activity [i.e. wanking about]

Color - Merrican for colour

Compound Pulley - a hauling device with pulley and integral toothed cam or holding ratchet [e.g. Petzl Pro-Traxion, Kong Roll-Block]

Comprime - to squeeze all the air out of an empty water bottle, to flatten a beer can with a hammer

Correlation - does not imply causality

Corollary - a natural consequence [of something], a proposition that follows from one already proved [e.g. "If you are bitchin', then you will have detractors." In this instance, note that the converse is not necessarily true. Just because you have Detractors does not necessarily mean you are Bitchin'- you might just be a jerk]

Crab - Brit. slang for carabiner - not to be confused with Big Wall Crab

Crab-O-Ledge - Dr. Piton's home

Credibility - being worthy of belief, not shooting yourself in the foot

CRS - debilitating illness suffered by Dr. Piton which worsens with age - Can't Remember Shit. Casual Rating System of aid climbing difficulty consisting of NBD, NTB, PDH, and DFU

[DDEL] - diabolical Dr. Evil laughter [Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!]

Dedicated - assigned to a specific purpose throughout the course of the climb and not scarfed for anything else

Degree Of Freedom - an ability to perform an operation without affecting anything else

Descendeur - rappel device

Detractor - one who [attempts to] speak ill of you, the premiss of which is often based on Hearsay. Frequently motivated by jealousy, pride or insecurity. A necessary encumbrance if you are bitchin'

DFU - extreme aid climbing as rated by CRS where a single mistake is likely to result in severe injury or death - Don't Blow It

Duct Tape - handyman's secret weapon. It can save your life on a big wall, and no lead rack is complete without it

Eh? - a unique Hoser term expressing confirmation, an all-purpose "tie-down" inviting acknowledgement from the listener, spoken with a sneaky sense of Pride when talking to Merricans, used primarily at the end of virtually every statement, sentence, question and/or exclamation, and often at the beginning or in the middle

Entropy - from the Second Law of Thermodynamics - the spontaneous tendency towards disorder

ETS - Emphatically The Shit

Empirical Evidence - replicated enough times in a controlled environment to establish strong positive Correlation

FUBAR'd - fucked up beyond all recognition

Fundamental - pay frickin' attention or you will end up dead!

Getting It - more of a destination than a journey. For the most part, either you "get it" or you don't

Hearsay - something you heard someone say about someone else, but without actually hearing it from the first person's own mouth. Gossip, rumour. Inadmissable - attempting to use it undermines your own Credibility. Grounds for divorce from Dr. Piton's forums

[HINT] - indirect indication of a suggestion, small piece of practical information, sometimes delivered in "stage whisper", or with all the subtlety of a 2 x 4 across the chops: "I'm talking to you, dammit!"

Hoser - Canuck, eh?

Hottie - a woman of unusual attractiveness and desirability

Identity - The truth of who you are, the distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity

Keffle Out - to Bail on your partner[s] without valid reason, emphatically the worst sin according to Dr. Piton

Legit - bona fide, genuine

Loquacious - excessively talkative or verbose, using twenty-six words when four or five will do

Love - see Agape

Lurker - avid fan or reader of Dr. Piton who does not make frequent posts [if any at all] on Dr. Piton.com

KYKO - fundamental advice to young women who wish to attract and actually keep YB's

Mexicanized Crab - also known as Mexican Locker or [ML] - a standard non-locking crab whose gate has been locked shut with duct tape

Mini-Big Wall Tutorial - a talk by Dr. Piton usually given at the drop of a hat, often in the parking lot, Camp 4, at the base or on the summit. A complete solution to your wall climbing problem scribbled on a scrap of paper or serviette [that's "napkin" to you Merricans, eh?] or demonstrated with a few slings, carabiners and pieces of cord. The likelihood of Dr. Piton giving you a Mini-Big Wall Tutorial is directly proportional to the amount of beer you place in his hand. Climbers in receipt of said tutorials frequently respond with phrases like, "That's so simple! I can't believe I never thought of that before!"

Morning - begins sometime after 10 a.m., coffee is integral and requisite

NBD - easy aid climbing as rated by CRS - No Big Deal

NTB - moderate aid climbing as rated by CRS - Not Too Bad

OB - Old Bull. A journey rather than a destination, possessing of great wisdom and experience, highly sought after by hotties who tire of YB's

PDH - difficult aid climbing as rated by CRS - Pretty Damn Hard

Personal Rack - stuff you wear on your big wall harness and take with you at all times [e.g. ascenders, Grigri, hammer]

Plain Vanilla - ordinary, mediocre, humdrum, 5 out of 10, the ultimate Dr. Piton insult

Politically-Correct Angry Woman - bitch

Preposition - A bad thing to end a sentence with.

Pride - a sin, the opposite of humility, the belief that you are more bitchin' than you really are, a blinding towards self-examination and self-improvement, one of Dr. Piton's character flaws

Ratchet - a mechanism that permits motion in one direction only

Redundancy - the concept that something can be lost or omitted without loss of significance and which must be incorporated into every big wall climbing system, bringing two things in case you happen to drop one

Rob Large It - to second a climb while leaving the cleaned gear clipped to the rope instead of putting it on your cleaner's rack

Sartre, Jean-Paul - French existentialist who wrote "On a toujours la choix" which roughly translates as "If you don't like Dr. Piton Technology, then shut the fuck up and do it your own damn way."

Signature Song [of Dr. Piton] - AC/DC's You Shook Me All Night Long, played loudly on the wall at sunset, and with loud coyote howl in the pause after the opening guitar riff - audible for a half-mile

Shagadelic - see Babe-O-Licious

Sheesh - an exclamation of frustration, disbelief or amazement when someone just doesn't "get it"

Shut Up And Climb! - Dr. Piton's kindest words of encouragement

Sling - nylon upon which Dr. Piton pulls when climbing 5.8's in the gym

Square Brackets - [ ] - a Dr. Piton hallmark

Stylin' - to climb a wall with all the luxuries of home, to be comfortable in an exceptionally hostile environment, to be accompanied by a Shagadelic Hottie

Synergy - the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual parts

The Shit - the purest and most perfect manifestation or embodiment of a quality, the ultimate, quintessence, none higher

Traditional - stupid

Valley Giant - Superbly crafted cam available from Dr. Piton, comes in 9" and 12" sizes

Vell-Organicized - the opposite to a Clusterfuck, operating with minimized Wank Factor

VGT - very good thing

Voila! - Bob's Your Uncle

Wall Doctor - one who is both willing and able to solve big wall problems. Wall Doctors are known to "play doctor" with Hotties from time to time, and occasionally make house calls. Note: be certain to carefully scrutinize anyone purporting to be a Wall Doctor - he could be a BWT in disguise

Wanker - one prone to operating with a high Wank Factor

Wank Factor - see Co-efficient Of Wank

Water Commissioner - Dr. Piton. Note: you must never dump out your water if you Bail from El Cap! Please bring your water bottles to Dr. Piton for storage, and redistribution at a later date

WEG - way evil grin

Worth - your ability to arrive at the summit of a big wall having bootied more gear than you have dropped

YB - Young Bull - a transitional stage in the journey towards becoming an OB, but at least predictable in behaviour. Note to Hotties: you will find OB's to be only slightly less frustrating and irritating than YB's

Yvette Ratchet - a 2:1 Body Hoist employed when cleaning pitches using a jug and Grigri whereby one puts the free end of the rope through a crab on the jug and then pulls downwards on it, also a method of lead fall recovery